Planet Football: We were sad to see www.littlehooliganz.com landing themselves in a spot of bother last week, with the Premier League threatening to take legal action against the company, Blighty Collectables, for selling their "Little Hooliganz" range.
"We anticipate having to make a few alterations to our range of Little Hooliganz," read the notice on their website, which sells little figures of, well, little hooligans, representing a string Premiership clubs, well, troublesome supporters - eg the Arsenal Aardvark Avengers, the Watford Willy Warmers and the Portsmouth Piglet Pelters.
Are the Little Hooliganz named after or based on real players? "No, absolutely not," they say. "It is against the law to infringe copyright laws or use peoples names/identities without permission. All the characters in the Little Hooliganz collection are based on fictional characters. Any resemblance of famous people or real players etc is purely co-incidental . . . honestly!"
And who are we to doubt them? Although . . . Dangerous Dirk (Chelsea Cat Crew), Terrible Henry (Arsenal Aardvark Avengers) and Eager Edward (Tottenham Tiger Tasters) do look a touch familiar. In fact, Didier, Thierry and Edgar might suspect they were looking in a mirror.
Quotes of the week
"I don't think it was a free, to be honest, but the ref seemed to give a few things to them tonight, but not for ourselves. . . I don't think I was offside for the goal I scored, but every decision seemed to go against us - but we can't make excuses, we can't blame the referee." - Robbie Keane, err, blaming the referee.
"I'm going to be on a learning curve and it's one I'm looking forward to. People go on about my inexperience, but one or two managers with experience have not worked out at Sunderland." - Roy Keane - and we're just guessing here - says a big hello to Mick McCarthy.
"He didn't say much, we were introduced to him briefly and he shook hands with everyone. I'll be honest, I was a bit frightened myself." - Sunderland's Daryl Murphy, all a-tremble meeting the new boss.
"We planned to get off to a good start during our pre-season tour to Dallas. The Grassy Knoll was fabulous and nearly all the lads have got theories on who killed JFK." - Everton's David Moyes. Apparently James Beattie reckons it was the Cubans wot dunnit.
"Last week I was so low I could have walked under a door with a top hat on." - Ipswich manager Jim Magilton discovering the lows and lows of football management.
"I wish Cole luck and I hope he has the patience to put up with his manager." - William Gallas bids adieu to Jose Mourinho, while sparing a thought for the man they call Cashley Cole.
"My Newcastle experience wasn't as negative as people say." - Jean-Alain Boumsong? It was, honest.
The naked facts
Our heartfelt sympathies go to young Middlesbrough defender Matthew Bates who, as you do, took naked photos of himself a while back and was rather horror-struck last week to learn that they had turned up on several gay websites.
"It is unclear how the photos - taken by Bates in front of mirrors (one snap shows him posing in a skimpy pair of underpants in a bathroom, the other shows him completely naked in a bedroom) - were posted on the net," the Sun told us, "but on one website a fan called Chris claims they were put on the internet by a girl Bates had a row with."
Matthew now has an army of admirers (eg "Wow, he is amazing! Made my jaw drop! Sexy!") - many of whom have vowed to turn up at the Riverside on the off chance that he might get a game for Middlesbrough. Matthew refused to make any comment on the matter last week and, by all accounts, was last seen burning his digital camera.
More quotes of the week
"You are a slave, no liberty, no freedom, no democracy, no human rights." - Jose Mourinho responds calmly to French coach Raymond Domenech's refusal to accept Claude Makelele's retirement from international football.
"It looks like the attraction of Champions League football played a big part in him (Jan Vennegor of Hesselink) going to Celtic. I'm not sure why so many players insist in going to a club playing Champions League for it can be a short stint." - Sam Allardyce sort of intimates that Celtic will struggle to get past the opening group phase of the Champions League.
"The desire to be closer to my family and friends led me to Bolton. For a game at 3pm, you just need to be at the ground for 1.30. You'll play and then you have two or three days off. I know that once the game is over, I can be in Paris in an hour. This was impossible for me in Istanbul." - Nicolas Anelka has hardly landed in Bolton and he can't wait to get out.
"If we play well and are in the Champions League next year, I will be happy to stay until the end of my contract." - Anelka announces that he will be leaving Bolton at the end of the season.
"When you lose a player capable of scoring 40 goals in one season, I don't think that giving him to Real Madrid is a good thing, considering we will face them at one point or another." - Louis Saha somewhat questions the wisdom of Alex Ferguson's summer transfer activity - cue a January exit for Louis?
On a shopping spree
"United Shopping Spree!" read the headline on the Manchester United website last week, which, naturally enough, had visiting fans all a-tizz, wondering what mega-superstars the club had signed before the transfer deadline.
But? "Win £500 To Spend In The Megastore! If you had £500 to spend in the United Megastore what Reds goodies would you treat yourself to? All you need to do is get a no-obligation car or home insurance quote from MU Finance in association with Endsleigh Insurance Services Ltd."
Makes you wonder. If Alex Ferguson got 17 million no-obligation car or home insurance quotes from MU Finance could he have afforded Carlos Tevez and Javier Mascherano? Quite possibly.
