TV VIEW:They weren't ginger, but it struck us yesterday while watching the BBC's coverage of the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix that if Eddie Jordan's buttock-hugging purple pants were given free admission to Dublin Zoo there'd be a fair chance a resident orang-utan would mate with them.

Not that we know a great deal about what floats orang-utans’ boats, but you’d assume they’d be attracted to Eddie’s pants, if only in an OMG kind of way.

When Vitantonio Liuzzi crashed into Michael Schumacher at Turn Six we wondered if he’d been distracted by this vision of track-side purple, perhaps even sending a Mayday over his radio before the collision occurred.

“Help! Help! I have just seen a cross between Barney the Dinosaur and Tom Jones in his Vegas years, am I hallucinating?”

“No, no, Vitantonio,” the Force India people would have replied, “that’s just Eddie.”

In fairness to Eddie, he was still able to move freely enough around the venue, despite the lower half of his body being encased in purple, and even managed to snare triumphant Red Bull owner Dietrich Mateschitz for a very rare post-championship-winning chat.

“I’m on the case here boys,” he’d told the BBC crew while hunting down Dietrich. “He’s not a recluse, but he does not like doing interviews!”

Jake Humphrey: “Okay, well, we’ll go back to you when . . .”

Eddie: “I’ve got him here now! Ladies and gentlemen, this is a unique time for us! Dietrich Mateschitz, a dear old friend of mine from many years ago! Dietrich, the proudest, most emotional day of your life?”

Dietrich: “Ah, I at least can’t remember a prouder one.”

Eddie: “Ah wow, I love the comment. Well, let me tell you, you have so many fans, because what you’ve brought, in a very short number of years, is such pride to a young team. And what we like most of all about you, you never once used team orders. We love you for that because of your sportsmanship, you’re a great man, thank you (slaps Dietrich on the cheek). Back to you Jake.”

Dietrich’s face: “Eh?”

Jake: “Okay, thank you very much, nice to hear from . . . Eddie, rather than Dietrich Mateschitz.”

Now, be fair, Eddie’s new-ish to this telly-interviewing game, but still: when you land yourself an interview with someone who is not a recluse, but does not like doing interviews, you should probably go mad and ask them a question rather than treating them to a soliloquy.

It was, you might say, a missed opportunity, which calls to mind poor old Shamrock Rovers in yesterday’s FAI Cup final penalty shoot-out. Although, to be a heap more accurate, it was more saved than missed.

Over to you, George Hamilton: “Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant! Not brilliant, brilliant, brilliant – it’s brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT, four saves out of four, Ciarán Kelly,” he said, after the brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, BRILLIANT Sligo Rovers goalkeeper did his penalty-saving thing. Brilliant.

Back in the studio Roddy Collins saluted Kelly, although we lost focus when we spotted his brilliantly silky purple shirt. A trend was developing here. Blend Roddy and Eddie and you’d have Prince, circa 1984. Almost enough to make doves cry, so to speak.

There was a bigger crowd at the cup final than for Saturday’s rugby ding-dong, a triumph for the roundy ball, explained, partly, by the fact the FAI seems aware of this here recession. Keep this up and the IRFU will be hanging out with the European Financial Stability Fund.

“This is an extremely well organised, technically sophisticated team, this is a world-class rugby team,” said Tom McGurk, offering us a rare dose of good cheer and positivity about Declan Kidney’s XV, enough to send our sagging sporting spirits soaring. But.

“Who,” asked Conor O’Shea.

“Samoa,” said Tom, prompting an outbreak of eye-rolling from his panel.

Come full-time Tom was assuring us that if the All Blacks, our next visitors, “get out a tape of this match they’d fall off their chairs laughing”. Now, for those of us who wouldn’t know a good/bad rugby performance from a bowl of minestrone, this seemed overly negative, but ovally-ball acquaintances of ours insist there is, indeed, cause for concern.

Still, though, the RTÉ rugby panel has become the sporting equivalent of the financial pages, in an unremitting gloomy kind of way. Lads? Things could be worse. You could have paid to view that David Haye v Audley Harrison, err, fight, the build-up to which Sky News reckoned was as newsworthy as Aung San Suu Kyi’s liberation.

And then? Well, Audley proved to be as aggressive as your average buttercup, and for that we doff our caps. Collect your loot and scarper, wise man.

He had his golden moment 10 years ago at the Sydney Olympics, that’s plenty. His purple patch, if you like.