PLANET SOCCER:DEVOTION, DISTRUST and DIVORCE: When I wake up in the morning and see her face it makes me happy.

I go for training and play a match with happiness in my heart. That is the motivation that makes me play well. She just says go there and play well and score for me.

- Everton's Yakubu, all loved up after marrying Yvonne in June.

My mum knows what women are like and has told me not to bother having a girlfriend. Maybe Ill have to marry someone who is wealthy or knows nothing about football.

- Manchester City's Micah Richards - sounds like he's prosposing to Thaksin Shinawatra.

"Jack, are the Villa really more important than our marriage? Its over, Jess."

- Banner in Birmingham. Jack probably saw it on way to game and wondered who Jess was.

FEEL THE LOVE: "I would much rather have Dean Windass in my team than Cristiano Ronaldo . . . he has the upper half of a hod carrier and the bottom half of a ballerina. But contract negotiations with him took less than an hour."

- Hull chairman Paul Duffen on his passion for the 39-year-old.

He is a brilliant young lad, brilliant kid and it will be brilliant to work with him . . . I am sure he will be brilliant in the Carling Cup team and the Premier League if he plays.

- Arsenal's Theo Walcott on 16-year-old team-mate Jack Wilshere, who's brilliant.

He's quick, he's red, he talks like Father Ted."

Is this really how Liverpool fans greeted Robbie Keane on his debut? We read it on the interweb.

He's a top player. We don't have to let anyone leave and we definitely don't want to. He's going nowhere, nowhere at all.

- Harry Redknapp, a week before Sulley Muntari was sold to Inter Milan.

Younes wouldn't join Sunderland even if there was an earthquake. We have more interesting options. Don't even think about it.

- Rudy Raba, agent of Spurs' Younes Kaboul, who signed for Portsmouth.

Ljungberg has last laugh

GOOD SUMMER- Freddie Ljungberg: he played 25 times for West Ham last season, scoring twice, after joining from Arsenal on a four-year deal. West Ham decided to bid adieu to Freddie this month, to reduce their wage bill - he was reported to be on €107,838 a week. Including his transfer fee, wages and the three years of the contract they had to pay off the Swede cost West Ham a grand total of €16.5 million. His pay-off amounted to €7.6 million. "The decision is the best for the both of us," he said, insisting he'd enjoyed his spell at the club. we're sure you did, Freddie.

JOSE'S BACK! "I've won a lot in my career. He has won a Super Cup and another little cup. Probably he needs to change mentality but maybe he is too old to do it.

- Jose sends best wishes to another former Chelsea supremo, Juventus' Claudio Ranieri.

Arsenal are unique: their coach hasn't won anything for years, but hes an idol.

- He also sends his love to Arsene Wenger.

Left 'luking' very stupid indeed

CATASTROPHIC SUMMER: Ashley-Paul Robinson was offered a new contract by Crystal Palace at the end of the season after the 18-year-old broke into the first team. Little did they know, though, that he'd arranged a trial for himself with a Premier League club. But they found out. How? He posted this on his Facebook page: Ashley-Paul Is Travling 2 Bath With Fulham Fingers Crossed. Im lukin 2 Get Sum Tips Of Jimmy Bullard Hes ON DIS TING NO HYPE LOL. . . . for all 2.7 million members of the internet sites London section to see.

Upshot? We feel it's probably better he looks elsewhere to further his career, said manager Neil Warnock, and with that Robinson was released. Fulham decided against signing him, as did Carlisle and Hereford where he had trials. Ashley-Paul's still lukin for a club.

TRANSFER TRAUMAS: I don't like going to bed at night with only one left back. I need another one in the building. - Wycombe Wanderers manager Peter Taylor on his nocturnal activities.

Diouf believes he's a cut above rest

DIAMOND GEEZER: "I want to make history with Sunderland, as I did with Bolton," declared El Hadji Diouf upon his arrival at the Stadium of Light, before sort of suggesting he would have the same impact at the club as Diego Maradona had at Napoli. Seriously. "I am special, just like I am on the pitch," he went on, commenting on his fondness for wearing sparkly things. "Everything on me is diamond. It all goes in my locker. We have good lads and good security," he said, insisting he trusted his team-mates, which was nice.

DIFFERENT STROKES: "I am a dreamer and this has been one of my dreams." Leaving Parma for, eh, Kilmarnock was the stuff of Manuel Pascali's dreams. "It's something I want, I dream about. It is a dream, a step forward."

Blame game

SO-SO SUMMER- Rafa Benitez: He was allowed buy Robbie Keane, David Ngog and a few other lads but, so far, not Gareth Barry. He's not happy about it, but insists it's not his fault. I get blamed for everything, for global warming to high petrol prices, he said.

Bayern Munich general manager Uli Hoeness doesn't blame Rafa for petrol prices. It annoys me when I go to fill up my car once a week. This oil mafia steal our money and use it to sign footballers. This stinks and Abramovich is part of this."