CADDIE'S ROLE:Caddying was originally a wing and a prayer job and in some ways that is still how it is today

THERE IS no formal training for becoming a golf caddie. It is a simple selection process of supply and demand, given a relatively reliable pair of shoulders.

In the current economic climate there is more of a supply of able-bodied bagmen than there is supply of bread-winning players.

The one requirement you have to understand when you put a professional golf bag on your back is that you will be expected to work an inordinate amount of very unsociable hours. The likes of which would send a person with a sense of old-fashioned work order into a tail-spin.

Some might feel that getting up at five o'clock on Sunday morning and catching a bus to an isolated golf course to lug a bag around in the rain for a day is a little unreasonable. If there were work regulations in caddying I would imagine there would be endless negotiations about fair practice. That is why there are none. You go into caddying without any expectation of being mollycoddled by some restrictive force that would make the whole job unworkable in the first place.

I have often been asked if there are contracts in the player/caddie relationship. There are not. For the same reason as there are no regulations, caddying was originally a wing and a prayer type of job and in some ways that is still how it is, albeit in a more sophisticated fashion.

It has always been an endless source of amusement in the caddie shack when we hear the petty wrangling of certain employees in other trades when they are asked to consider working a slightly altered routine.

When you are bleary-eyed from lack of sleep and jet-lagged carrying a bag for a guy who will not earn a cent unless he performs and therefore you will not cover your expenses if that is the case, the old airs of entitlement of certain workers is laughable.

Being flexible is the most important aspect of caddying, because the chances are you will have to be on call at some ungodly hour in some unusual place in order to get your job done.

So without any further lectures I am listing some "caddie rules" that will stand to the novice who might find him or herself in a far-away car park as the sun is rising on some golf course somewhere in the world where there is a very slight chance that a golfer needs a novice caddie:

1. Turn Up. Keep Up. Shut Up.

2. If you offer some unsolicited information, choose your words very carefully. You can say the right thing and the wrong thing even if it is the same thing.

3. Try not to out-dress your player.

4. Make him feel like he has made the decision. He is the boss after all. Like the customer, he is always right, until you get paid.

5. Never talk to the ball (or other players' balls) while it is in mid-air. Its fate is sealed and so could yours be if you make the wrong call.

6. Never leave the putter on the bag at the ready when your player is in the process of trying to extract himself from the sand. The sight of it makes the assumption that he is going to get out of the trap. Equally it makes the assumption that he is not going to hole the shot. It's a psychological game, don't forget.

7. If there are two balls in the bunker, yours is in the bad lie.

8. Stand well back in the Wednesday pro-am when your playing partner confidently states that "normally" he is a single figure player but he's being working a lot recently.

9. Never get in the habit of carrying the wife or girlfriend's handbag. Or any other provisions for that matter. It can be a heavy precedent to set.

10. Always get on with the wife or girlfriend even if you don't like her.

11. Try to clean your golfer's shoes badly the first time he asks. If you are successful he is unlikely to ask again. Most golfers are very fussy about appearance.

12. Never offer to transport your player's bag to the next event. That could also become a cumbersome tradition.

13. Try to let your player say what he thinks first on the greens if he asks you to read a putt. That way you are unlikely to shock him when you say the opposite of what he is thinking. Never be alarming.

14. You can't win for losing.

15. Pay attention to the player's mood when he emerges from the scorer's tent. If you need a favour and the face betrays a good score it's a good time to ask. Vice versa.

16. Never leave the golf bag standing. There could be a minor earthquake in another country causing the bag to clatter onto the ground at the most inopportune time.

17. Agree a price before you pick up the bag and understand the value of five per cent.

If you want to keep the job you can probably ignore most of the above rules. As we all know, especially in the caddie shack, rules are there to be broken. "Chiselling" (flattering to gain favour) is a subtle art in caddying that entails a mixture of the above.

Understanding the idiosyncrasies of your player is vital. Bearing in mind that flexibility is the art of looping, knowing when to yield and when to cede comes with both experience and understanding and is directly linked to the player's mood.

If you really want to get inside the ropes you can always purchase Bagman 2on sale now in any good book store

"You go into caddying without any expectation of being mollycoddled by some restrictive force that would make the whole job unworkable