The top quotes from anyone whose had anything to say about soccer in the past twelve months.
ON THE BOX
"Roooooooney!!! Is there nothing he can do?!!" John Motson, attempting (but failing) to wax lyrical about Wayne Rooney, after he scored his second goal for England against Croatia at Euro 2004.
"The Nigerians are in real trouble now - they're going to have to get their finger out but it is not going to be easy as their backs are against the wall." John Salako (co-commentator for the BBC during the African Nations Cup), getting himself in a metaphorical knot.
"We've seen it before, haven't we? The hand of God? Well, it's just an anagram of dog." Mick McCarthy leaves viewers mystified during the Holland v Germany Euro 2004 game.
"Milner seems to be holding his shoulder, in the shoulder area." Graham Taylor, sharing his knowledge of body parts.
"Ray Parlour will miss both legs due to injury." ITV's Clive Tyldesley on the midfielder's potentially career-threatening injury.
NO LOVE LOST
"So Gary's going to be writing a book, is he? That's good news for insomniacs everywhere." Sheffield United's Neil Warnock, eagerly anticipating ex-West Brom manager Gary Megson's publishing debut.
"They are a team of immigrants . . . where are the players like Veron now? Is he still alive? Where's Petit and where's that full back from Holland? What's his name, Bogarde? Is he still making films?" David Pleat on his admiration for the Chelski revolution.
"He even has the audacity to have a plus sign between the one and nine on his shirt. I don't know what it means - it's probably the number of goals he's scored in the past five years." Middlesbrough's Danny Mills, after a run-in with Clinton Morrison.
"You are talking about a man who spelt his name wrongly on his transfer request." Gary Megson, then West Brom manager, after Jason Roberts asked for a move.
"His famous right foot has seen about as much action as Ray Charles' piano during the last fortnight." The Daily Mirror's assessment of David Beckham's Euro 2004.
THE SONGS
"Delia Smith's a brilliant cook, she feeds our whole team porridge, she makes a cracking steak au poivre, but that don't rhyme with Norwich." Norwich City's entry in football's first Chants Laureate contest (to the tune of Yankee Doodle Dandy).
"There's only one Sally Gunnell." Manchester City fans on seeing Diego Forlan emerge from the United bench.
Leeds supporters: "Going down, going down, going down."
Leicester supporters' response: "So are we, so are we, so are we." (When Leeds went a goal up their fans taunted Leicester about the likelihood that they'd be relegated. Leicester's response was sublime. And, indeed, both were relegated)
"If Heskey can play for England so can I, If Heskey can play for England so can I . . . " Birmingham fans during their game against Liverpool last season.
"There's only one Emile Heskey, one Emile Heskey . . . " Birmingham fans after Heskey was signed during the summer.
DODGY MATHS
Rob McCaffrey (Sky Sports): "We've just had the stats through from Opta about Thierry Henry's first 100 goals. Goals scored with right foot: 80. Goals scored with left foot: 18. Goals scored with head? Do the maths." Steve Claridge and Tony Cottee: "Err . . . one?".
"We have reached the stage where the players have something to bite on. If we get a five per cent improvement from every player then that's 50 per cent from a team point of view." Bobby Robson, on his 10-man Newcastle team.
"For Celtic, scoring three goals is like scoring twice as many as two in Europe." Davie Provan (on Radio Clyde). We're still trying to work this one out on our calculator.
Sky Sports Reporter (after Real Madrid and Valencia had drawn 1-1): "You are still are two points ahead of Valencia?" David Beckham: "No, three - we got a point tonight."
THE TRIBUTES
"He always wanted to get one up on you. If I told him I'd just got back from Tenerife, he'd say he'd just got back from Elevenerife." Former Chelsea player David Speedie on Ken Bates, the club's former chairman.
"Gerard Houllier has declared that Liverpool's goal-machine Emile Heskey is going nowhere. Well, he said it." The Guardian. Tut, tut.
"The chapter on disasters needs to make space for Beckham. First of all, he played and ran. Then he ran and played. Then he just ran. Now he neither runs nor plays." Spanish newspaper Marca on Beckham's Real Madrid form.
"Sometimes he looks like he's towing a caravan, he's nae mobile at all." ITV's Ally McCoist on the Czech Republic's Jan Koller (all six feet eight inches of him).
"I always thought I was a good manager but even I didn't think I was good enough to turn Gary into a Scottish international." Wigan manager Paul Jewell, astounded after Gary Teale was called up for Scotland by Berti Vogts.
THE EXPERTS
"You just can't replace Michael Owen, because you need a Michael Owen to replace Michael Owen." Kenny Dalglish.
"Larsson's header changed the complexion of the game. As goals normally do. That's why you score them." Johnny Giles.
"I know when you hit the goal you score points - and that everyone falls down." Serena Williams (on being asked what she knew about football). No flies on her.
"If we'd not scored that second goal the score might have been different." David Pleat (after Spurs beat Liverpool 2-1).
"Nobody's too good to go down - but Leeds won't go down: they've got too many good players." David O'Leary.
THE OTHER HALVES
"Last night I told my wife I loved her, but I don't this morning. Everyone is entitled to change their mind." Coventry City chairman Mike McGinnity explaining why he sacked manager Eric Black, just three weeks after describing him as the Messiah.
"My missus, Sharon, could have tackled better than we did. And, boy, she doesn't half pack a good tackle." Sheffield United manager Neil Warnock offering too much information.
"As a footballer's wife, I take great exception to the way we are portrayed in Footballers' Wives. It isn't even half the truth - in real life the heels are higher, the lips plumper, the boobs bigger, the hair fancier, the jewels clunkier, the fingernails longer and the deals craftier." Birmingham City chief executive Karren Brady (and wife of Paul Peschisolido).
"I am who I am. If you look at my missus you'll know why I'm always smiling." Spurs manager Martin Jol.
