Should that wily old codger, Mephistopheles, have a mind to stop by my abode, let him be warned in advance that I have no interest in doing business - except for one item. Any deal involving John Cussen's golf scrapbook will have my rapt attention.
In periodic correspondence to this column, the Newcastle West solicitor has left me seriously envious by quoting or including actual copies of cuttings by such golf-writing luminaries as Henry Longhurst and Pat Ward-Thomas. Indeed, he even has a cutting of Cruiskeen Lawn, involving one of Myles na gCopaleen's rare excursions into the Royal and Ancient game.
All of the above is prompted by the good lawyer's latest missive, concerning the death two weeks ago of Dr Billy O'Sullivan, a trustee and former president of the GUI. And on this occasion, the scrapbook yielded a gem of a cutting from the long-since defunct Sunday Dispatch of May 29th, 1949. Datelined Dublin, Wednesday Night, it carried the decidedly quaint headline "Patrick Campbell's Piece".
It concerned Campbell's involvement in the British Amateur Championship at Portmarnock, and some way down the piece its recent relevance became apparent. Campbell wrote: "Tomorrow, Thursday, I play Dr W M O'Sullivan, an Irish international, at 10.30 a.m. This is a little soon after sun-up, because until now all my fretwork has taken place after lunch. This has given a reasonable period of time to peer down the throat with mirrors to see if the Irish food has bedded down sufficiently comfortably to retain its position at least over the first nine holes.
"But if I'm to run out on to the first tee tomorrow morning in racing shorts and Girl Guide's beret, almost before the first two eggs have bounced off the stopnetting, it will be difficult to tell how I'm to face up to the first six-inch putt.
"There is also some chance that we may have a gallery. Dr O'Sullivan has a lot of friends. It would be all to the good if they could have their jaws whipped with sticking plaster before they start round with us.
"I got mixed up in the match with Mr Reinach, with the gallery - say, 200 people - left over from some other more virile contest. Bowed over a chipshot, with a small bush in front of it and pampas grass behind, I was just drawing back my blaster in the shy hope that it would pass some place beneath the ball on the return journey, when I heard a clear voice saying in an almost disinterested way, `I can tell yez now that nothin' is goin' t'come owa this - wouldn't th'eejit be betther off with his putther.' I struck my own foot, as a matter of fact, and had to abandon the hole."
Campbell concluded: "Ah well, up and down, in and out, and may the best man win. But there's just one point I'd like to make clear. Should I beat Dr O'Sullivan in the morning, and subsequently smash my way through to the final, and then tear the raspberry mousse off Frank Stranahan (the leading American), I am not available for the Walker Cup.
"This summer I'm thinking of embroidering a firescreen."
The writer's respect for his fourth-round opponent was heightened, no doubt, by the fact that Dr Billy O had beaten Joe Carr in the previous round. Anyway, an editor's note at the end of the Dispatch piece read: "Patrick Campbell beat Dr O'Sullivan in the fourth round, but was knocked out by K G Thom in the fifth - and we have not heard from him since."
Incidentally, the title was won by Ireland's Sam "Max" McCready, who beat American Willie Turnesa by 2 and 1 in the final.
Quote: "Now there are a couple of real Sunshine Boys who never will be mistaken as golf's reigning Kings of Comedy. All of which leads the Man out Front to believe Al Gore and George W were not available."
US magazine Golfweek on Colin Montgomerie and Vijay Singh being named to join Fred Couples and Sergio Garcia in America's end-of-season Skins Game.
