Darren Clarke received a fax from his manager yesterday, effectively describing him as a nothing golfer. World number six Lee Westwood, winner of the Dimension Data Tournament in South Africa last week, got the same message. And Paul McGinley, Gary Murphy and Peter Lawrie come into the same category.
All of which has to do with some decidedly dismissive comments by Mark McCormack, head of the International Management Group (IMG), in the current issue of Today's Golfer. He had been asked if there was a keen rivalry between IMG and International Sports Management (ISM), the English company owned by Andrew "Chubby" Chandler.
"They're nothing," replied McCormack. "Chubby Chandler is an ex-pro who looks after a few pros, none of whom won a singles match in the Ryder Cup, I might add. He tries to compete with us in golf in the UK and has some good clients, and I don't want to denigrate the talent of Clarke, Westwood and Coltart. But if you take a look at their list compared to ours, it's a joke."
Chandler's response was to fax the piece to Clarke and Westwood. "I interpret those sort of comments as a sign that we're doing better than we thought," said the Englishman, who has been admirably supportive of Irish professionals since launching his company in 1990. "Not even Mark McCormack can seriously call Lee and Darren nothings."
As it happens, publication of the article coincides with the launch of the Chandler organisation's own website, Golfism, with an advertisement on the back page of this week's Golf Weekly magazine. Clarke's caddie, Billy Foster, will be carrying the logo on a visor this season.
Chandler believes his leading six players would be capable of taking on the top six Europeans from IMG. Based on current world rankings and final placings in last season's Order of Merit, the teams would be: ISM - Westwood, Clarke, Andrew Coltart, David Howell, McGinley and David Park; IMG - Colin Montgomerie, Paul Lawrie, Padraig Harrington, Thomas Bjorn, Bernhard Langer and Robert Karlsson.
"It would be a game, wouldn't it?" suggested Chandler. It certainly would. And whatever about his manager, I suspect IMG's top European, Montgomerie, would readily concur.
"Now is the time of year when that common British species, the Greater Crestfallen Golfer, wishes he had flown south with the migratory birds." - Travel writer Brian James in the Mail on Sunday.
Lee Trevino is gradually easing himself into retirement at the end of an illustrious career. Which means he won't be renewing a celebrated partnership with his rotund, black caddie, Herman Mitchell. It is said that during the 1970s, the two best comedy teams in the US were Rowan and Martin (of Laugh In fame) and Trevino and Mitchell.
"It was like family," recalled Trevino. "We bickered a lot on the course and people thought we were serious, but it was just a show. I'd look at him and say, `If you don't shape up, I'm going to fire your ass tomorrow. I'm sick and tired of the bad yardages you're giving me. I can always get the yardage off the sprinkler-heads. And I've won tournaments carrying my own bag'."
Trevino went on: "He'd stand there with his head down and mumble something to me. You could hear a pin drop. Then we'd get in the car and laugh all the way back to the hotel."
Sadly, Mitchell has been out of action in recent years with a variety of ailments, most of them associated with obesity. But through all of the caddie's problems, Trevino has ensured he got the best of care.
"I love this guy like a brother," he added. "My kids love him so much. I've seen my little boy get hurt when he was two years old and even though I was standing right there, he ran to Herman. That's when you know he's a family member. I'm just afraid we're not going to have him much longer." Latest report on Mitchell is that his health is "steady".
Michael Campbell's stunning, 13-under-par for the closing 36 holes of the Heineken Classic in Perth last Sunday would have come as no surprise to those Irish observers who first laid eyes on him five years ago. That was in the J P McManus International Pro-Am at Limerick GC, where he got into the field as a late replacement for fellow New Zealander, Frank Nobilo.
As it happened, I had the privilege of watching his exploits at close range as one of his amateur partners. Only two weeks previously, he had finished runner-up in the Volvo PGA Championship at Wentworth, where he had only 22 putts in a sparkling final round of 67.
This magical touch with the blade clearly remained for his opening nine at Limerick. Taking only 13 putts, he carded six birdies and a lone bogey in a five-under-par 32. But with a course record beckoning, the magic deserted him on the homeward journey where a series of blocked drives led ultimately to a 69.
Though he was two strokes off the lead at the halfway stage, Campbell still had a chance of victory at Limerick before carding a double-bogey six at the 33rd (15th). In the 36-hole tournament, he was eventually tied third with four others, three strokes behind joint winners Paul Broadhurst and Richard Boxall.
In the wake of events at the Glen of the Downs, ecologists may be interested that an additional 400 semimature trees will be planted at the K Club before the end of this month, bringing the overall count to around 8,000. Meanwhile, director of golf, Paul Crowe, reports particularly heavy bookings from the US, coinciding with the Ryder Cup at the Belfry next year. Clearly, our American brethren are anxious to get an early preview of the 2005 venue.
It is probably a year or so since I acquired in the US An Introduction to the Literature of Golf (Ailsa Inc) by Herbert Warren Wind. But I have only recently got around to reading it. And readers of this column will not be surprised that I was drawn to a piece about P G Wodehouse.
A novel called Uneasy Money, serialised in the Saturday Evening Post in 1915, had nothing much to do with golf. Still, the author's obsession with the Royal and Ancient game can be gleaned from these opening paragraphs of the book:
"In a day in June, at the hour when London moves abroad in quest of lunch, a young man stood at the entrance of the Bandolero Restaurant, looking earnestly up Shaftsbury Avenue - a young man in excellent condition, with a pleasant, goodhumoured, brown, clean-cut face. He paid no attention to the stream of humanity that flowed past him. His mouth was set and his eyes wore a serious, almost wistful expression. He was frowning slightly. One would have said that here was a man with a serious sorrow.
"William Fitzwilliam Delamere Chalmers, Lord Dawlish, had no secret sorrow. All that he was thinking about at the moment was the best method of laying a golf ball dead in front of the Palace Theatre. It was his habit to pass his time in mental golf when Claire Fenwick was late in keeping her appointments with him. On one occasion she had kept him waiting so long that he had been able to do nine holes, starting at the Savoy Grill and finishing up near Hammersmith. His was a simple mind, able to amuse itself with simple things."
Teaser: A player lifted his ball on the putting green under Rule 16-1b, cleaned it and replaced it. As the player approached the ball to play his next stroke, he feared the ball might move. So he lifted the ball again, replaced it and played. What is the ruling?
Answer: There is no penalty, provided the player marked the position of his ball both times. Rule 16-1b permits the lifting of a ball on the putting green for any reason.
