Away from home: This column came close to not being written. So shocked were we to read that Alan Maybury scored for Hearts on Saturday that some toast stuck in our throats during Sunday brunch and we lost consciousness, sliding limply to the floor in a dressing-gowned heap.
"I used to tell people I don't do goals - I'm a defender," said the 24-year-old Dubliner after his spectacular 90th-minute winner against Partick Thistle. "It's my first goal ever and it's just as well the game didn't last any longer because my head was spinning."
We know the feeling. Two weeks ago Maybury was sent off against Rangers and there are real signs that Irish footballers in Britain are getting naughtier. Just as Steve Staunton was sent off in Aston Villa's win over West Brom on Saturday, Richie Foran was given official permission to leave the pitch during Carlisle's 2-1 defeat at home to Wrexham. It was an eventful day for Foran, who had given Roddy Collins's flagging team a fifth-minute lead.
Richie Partridge continues to make waves during his loan spell at Coventry. He scored on Saturday and earned the praise of manager Gary McAllister, who also gave him a warning of sorts. "Richie has been like a breath of fresh air for us," he said. "The problem is he's no secret anymore. Everyone is beginning to find out all about him." After spending so long in the shadows at Liverpool he probably likes it that way.
Elsewhere it was an excellent day for Rotherham's Alan Lee, who got goals number 12 and 13 of the season in their ridiculous 6-2 win at Burnley.
Waterford youngster Stephen Hunt returned to the Brentford team and scored their first in a 2-1 win over Chesterfield in the Second Division, while former Ireland 'B' international Sean Devine got two late goals for Wycombe Wanderers in their 3-2 win over Port Vale.
Also in Division Two, Dundalk youngster Colin Larkin scored twice for bottom club Mansfield in their 4-0 win over Blackpool. In the Nationwide Conference, meanwhile, Daryl Clare scored twice again for Chester City. The guy is irrepressible.
Striking support
Some people buy a season ticket, others parade around in a replica kit. However you show your allegiance to your favourite football team it is unlikely to match the efforts of Huddersfield Town supporter John Smith, who got so disillusioned with his team's stingy scoring record that he personally bought them a striker. Smith has agreed to pay the former England under-21 star Lee Ashcroft £2,500 a week in wages after signing him on loan from Division Two rivals Wigan Athletic. "We're very grateful," said Huddersfield manager Mick Wadsworth. We trust Wadsworth does not believe in a rotation policy.
Quotes of the week
"Today there are no losers - only bids that have not won." - UEFA president Lennart Johansson with consoling words to all those countries who finished a highly credible joint second in the race to host Euro 2008.
"How could we make an impression when he is asleep for half our time on stage?" - A member of the bidding team from Turkey and Greece accuses Johansson of nodding off during their presentation.
"Van Gaal and Gaspart produce diarrhoea." - A banner at Barcelona's Nou Camp stadium suggests the club's manager and president are bad for digestion.
"He's the only referee that when he makes a decision, there's no arms thrown into the air and no gestating." - Niall Quinn believes pregnancy has no place on the football field. (as seen on football 365.com)
Shirt and sweet
While Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal continue to expand their fan-base in South-East Asia, Bradford City are targeting a different audience. In fact if this week's reports in the Telegraph & Argus are anything to go by, they may soon be the most popular club in Afghanistan. Bradford fans have collected more than 2,400 replica shirts from fans for a campaign to re-establish the country's football league, by far the most generous donation of any team involved in the project. "Tony Blair was obviously impressed by the effort because he sent a personal letter to us," said the club's delighted managing director, Shaun Harvey. We wonder how many of the donors in a city renowned for its late-night curries were able to get the stains out.
On the lash
Footballers in Britain are well known for letting their hair down in fancy clubs, strip bars and the like, so we expect there will be few requests for a move to Iran when the transfer window opens up next month.
One of the country's top internationals, 22-year-old Mojahed Khazirabi, was sentenced to 99 lashes of the whip after being caught visiting a brothel in Tehran, and the sentence was upheld last week by an appeal court. Khazirabi has also been banned for five years from the national team and three years from his club Esteqlal.
El Tel's swell
Hard to believe as it may be, there are people out there who simply don't swallow the notion that football is a complicated game requiring delicate and expert tactical nous. A survey of league managers by British computer games company Codemasters may persuade them differently though as, surprise surprise, Terry Venables (right) has been found to have the best tactical brain around. Leeds may be languishing in the Premiership but don't be deceived. So subtle is Terry's tactical genius that it can't even be seen by the naked eye. Oh yes, football is a complicated business. Arsene Wenger is seen to be the craftiest boss in the transfer market, Bobby Robson the best man-manager, Kevin Keegan tops with the media, Howard Wilkinson the most talented coach, and Graeme Souness the...er...best dresser.
Cup scrapes the barrel
Just how low can the English League Cup go? According to Annanova, English football's least sought-after trinket is being borrowed for a table football contest at the Pelynt club in Cornwall on February 8th. Winners of the competition will be presented with the trophy, which the organisers have borrowed for the day. At this stage it is understood there will be no European place up for grabs.
