World Cup TV View: A bib, that's what we needed watching Argentina. Nothing more unpleasant than drooling all over your remote control. After ITV's Stu Pearce did a bit of salivating himself over "the first touch" of the Argentinians we couldn't but think of the tribute manager Dave Jones once paid to Carlton Palmer: "Carlton covers every blade of grass - mind you, with his first touch, he needs to."

We began to feel for the lad when Ron Atkinson noted, "Carlton can trap the ball farther than I can kick it," but the thing about yesterday was that Argentina made every other nation in the World Cup look like a team of Carlton Palmers.

As far as we can see, their only weakness is their limited bench. Their manager, God love him, had to settle for bringing on Cambiasso, Tevez and Messi as subs against Serbia and Montenegro. Truly, the goods of this world are unevenly distributed.

The second goal? A bit like an instrumental, there are no words.

But Ian "Wrightie" Wright always manages to find some. "If Brazil scored that goal they'd be saying it was the best ever," he told Gary Lineker. This compliment, we felt, was a touch misplaced because it's more usually applied when a team like, say, Northampton, and not the former world champions, score a wonder goal.

And while we're on the subject of Northampton: "Jack Charlton would have probably said that's a load of rubbish, they're fannying around, they should have been closed down," said Liam Brady when he had a second look at "possibly one of the greatest goals of all time".

He was probably right. Jack, after all, very famously opted, not for the 1970 Brazilian team, but for the Northampton side of the 1980s, then gracing the third division, as his favourite team of all time, largely because their goal-scoring build-ups involved only two players and one pass, from goalie to a Crouchie-like figure up front. Argentina's second goal yesterday involved nine players and 24 passes.

By half-time it was 3-0 and Wrightie feared the worst: "Serbia could be in for a right hiding, S&M, they could get a good whipping," he chuckled. Lineker and Alan Hansen chortled hysterically. Leonardo, as he's been doing for much of the week, just stared straight ahead. A bit like Serbia and Montenegro, it was all passing him by.

Forty-five minutes later, 6-0. "A performance that would warm the cockles of your heart," said Billo back on RTÉ. Indeed, and one that would chill all the others to the bone. "It would take your breath away," gasped Kenny Cunningham, while Liamo reached for the Kleenex, so emotional did he feel.

Leonardo, being a Brazilian, didn't want to lavish too much praise, so settled for "magnificent", "spectacular", "incredible" and "perfect". Speaking of perfection, the Beeb just closed their coverage with The Goal set to music.

After the Lord Mayor's Show, the Netherlands v Ivory Coast. It'd be like Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band supporting Cliff Richard and The Shadows. Just as Alex Ferguson thought his World Cup couldn't get any worse (Rooney, Vidic, Neville and Ronaldo all bound for A&E), Ruuuuuud scored - 2-0 to the Netherlands.

But Bakary Kone pulled a gem back for the Ivory Coast. "Does it remind you of Michael Owen's goal against Argentina in France 98?" Jim Rosenthal asked Jay Jay Okocha. "Well yes," he said, "they are similar goals, and I hope Ivory Coast do what England did that day."

"Err," said Jim's face, recalling, unlike JJ, that England lost on penalties that day.

By then we'd had a quick review of England's display the night before. "Caveman football", Gilesie gushed.

Crouchie, we'd since learnt, had broken the deadlock by pulling Brett Sancho's dreadlocks. Billo was appalled, Sancho wished he was bald.

Kenny and Liamo weren't at all aghast. "All's fair in love and trying to be first to the ball at the back post," they said.

"I'm shocked at your attitude," said Billo.

"Well, if anything is to be learned from this, you can't have hair like that playing in the World Cup," said Liamo.

"Fair point," a shaven-headed Sancho would probably say, though he'll hardly be allowed sit his Junior Cert in Tullamore.

Mexico v Angola. Rosenthal had bad news. Stu had his deodorant confiscated by stadium security. "Never mind, Stuart, you're looking good and very fragrant tonight," said Jim.

"Thank you, darling," winked Stu.

Beside him, a clothes peg pinching his nose, Andy Townsend got on with the business of previewing the game.

Back on RTÉ, co-commentator Mark Kinsella was taking his hat off to the "Angolians" for holding the Mexacalians till half-time. How could you not love the World Cup? It's an education in itself.