"A boring old shite."

- Jack Charlton's moving tribute to Denis Irwin at the player's testimonial dinner in Dublin last week.

"I put Suker on because . . . I knew he was a penalty taker. "

- Arsene Wenger explaining why he brought Davor Suker on as a late sub in the UEFA Cup final, just in time to miss his kick in the penalty shoot-out.

"It was dull, really."

- The Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr George Carey, gives his verdict on Saturday's FA Cup final. In light of Andy Gray's comment - "that was a very, very good first half" - perhaps the Archbishop should be given a job on Sky Sports.

"David James has finally buried the `Calamity James' tag."

- Every television pundit speaking or writing before Saturday's FA Cup final.

"We're aiming for a top three finish next year, mate."

- Bradford City's Dean Windass displays his sense of humour. (He WAS joking, wasn't he?).

"Players who have more great games than other players are the great players."

- Sky Sports FA Cup final pundit Graeme Souness very nearly, but not quite, making sense.

"When you see the centre-backs around Europe, a fit Christian Daily must be close to the top flight."

- Is Scottish manager Craig Brown the agent of the Blackburn man? Or was he having a laugh?