"When they put Clinton Morrison's (pictured) name on an Irish team-sheet, they may as well have engraved RIP on Irish soccer's gravestone." - St Patrick's Athletic manager Pat Dolan issues a hearty 'Cead M∅le Fβilte' to the Crystal Palace man.
Gabby Yorath: "What percentage of Arsenal's goals last season were scored by foreigners - 60, 85 or 90?" John Salako: "Em, 50?"
- As heard on ITV's Premiership Parliament last Monday.
"The boy's gone in to protect himself."
- Glenn Hoddle's unique account of his full-back Mauricio Taricco's lunge at Thomas Gravesen that left the Everton man needing 30 stitches in a leg wound.
". . . this dwarf (Roberto Carlos) shouted to me: 'Get up, Indian'. After that, when they scored, he touched his genitals to provoke me . . . that's when I defended myself and I spat at him."
- Paraguay goalkeeper Jose Luis Chilavert reminisces fondly about last week's World Cup qualifying kick-about against Brazil that, predictably, ended in a mass brawl between the two teams.
"If Milene would like to I would be happy to pose with her. She is a beautiful woman, whereas I am ugly."
- Ronaldo, who has just done his first nude photo shoot and is trying to persuade his wife to do another with him.
