TV View: Same old. Same old. The national anthems before the Aga Khan Trophy in Dublin's RDS demonstrated that horse sense can be a good thing. As the Dutch team's animals scattered at the sight of a marching band of bagpipes the first thought was how could anyone call them dumb animals?
A healthy attitude to bagpipes but by the end of it all at least one beast had its hindquarters pointed at the line of national flags. Stinging criticism indeed. If they had played Phil Coulter's ditty, Ireland's Call, maybe the tail would have gone up and buttock-sparked a diplomatic incident. That would have been worth seeing.
The Irish horses were no better behaved as we dipped into the Dublin Horse Show, a venerable event from way back when, in the days of Marietta biscuits, black-and-white television and Peggy's Legs.
In some ways an anachronism, catering equally for the pre-wrapped, silver-papered-sandwiches-and-flask-tea brigade and the those used to champagne, pageantry and pomp. A toffs' day out where farmers are comfortable. Horse people flooded into the rickety old stadium, with its wooden seats and asbestos roof.
Everybody knows the Aga Khan Trophy. Everyone who lives within a five-mile radius of Ballsbridge, at least. Those school holidays, bunking in and arriving home with plastic bags full of brochures with the specifications for Zetor and John Deere tractors.
The RDS horses leap into our orbit once a year, although, if the Olympics go well, RTÉ's "Operation Wall To Wall" coverage is sure to serve up more. Tracey Piggott - "there are a lot of people wandering around" - took us through the niceties of the competition but not before we feasted our eyes on a string of game mares, the best of which will, no doubt, be sold on to Germany, Britain or France.
The beauty of it all was the sinuous route to the competition proper gave one a chance to fall into a light snooze before the real action began in the final round of jumping for the Aga Khan Trophy.
Old news now. We won it, the first since 2000, Billy Twomey, the reserve for the Olympics, galloping around faultlessly in his final series of jumps, chucking his hard hat in the air; the burnished face of Jessica Kurten, her hair stretched back and her face tucked into the helmet; Ned Campion, Paul Darragh and Eddie "Boomerang" Macken all chipping in. Enough nostalgia there to get woozy.
The antidote for that was the redoubtable Marty Morrissey. If you need a string of hyperbolic pearls, Marty's your man. Armagh's championship match against Fermanagh was Marty's vehicle this week. In a five-minute spell there was a "dream pass", "a terrible effort", "a fantastic catch", "a wonderful pass", a "beautiful flick" and "great defending".
Of them all Marsden's "beautiful" flicked arm at the Fermanagh goal, when all seemed lost as two men closed him down, was indeed an accurate description.
The rest, well, when you're up there in the clouds with extravagant, excessive, gilded, extreme, colourful language, how do you come down, or, rise when something exceptional occurs, like Enda McNulty "taking out" Fermanagh's Martin McGrath with an elbow or a punch.
Despite the cameras catching it, Marty's grandiloquence deserted him. No mention of dishonest, malevolent, disgraceful play. No reference to the topic of choice in Gaelic games, violence.
In fairness, Michael Lyster accurately and appropriately called McNulty's challenge "cracked altogether", while Morrissey excoriated Stephen McDonnell when he landed a late challenge on Ryan McCluskey in the second half. Morrisey's enthusiasm and knowledge of the game can be infectious. Maybe a modulation of his emotions is what we are looking for.
The last word is with Setanta Sport, the new sports network that arrived this weekend. Part of the NTL package, it slipped in with Aberdeen's game against Rangers in the Scottish Premier League. Too small a package to judge, there was no game analysis at half-time (in the repeat at 5. p.m.) and little to show how the station will develop when it adds a wider variety of sport to its schedule.
Maybe we'll see third division Boston United, Paul Gascoigne's new team, where he has been hired as player-manager. Thinner than he has been, Gazza's humour has not disappeared, "If anyone thinks I'm here just to sell shirts I'm off," he said. "Maybe I could have got into this 14 months ago but the bottle was better than football then. I can only get better. I can't get worse than I was." And 3,500 saw them beat Oxford United!
