“There is this weird sense of trepidation around this one,” Jacqui Hurley had said to Jamie Heaslip ahead of our World Cup our tussle with Tonga, but come full-time there was a danger that the nation would be pondering where the Webb Ellis Cup will be housed during its four-year stay in Ireland.
Twenty tries in two matches? You couldn’t but be giddy.
“Caveat: Against Romania and Tonga.”
That was Jamie bringing us back down to earth, then, Brian O’Driscoll attempting to do the same over on ITV. “They can’t run away with themselves, they won’t be in love with what they’ve done so far – now the real tough stuff starts in earnest.”
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So, the champagne was put back on its ice, there being, after all, the small matter of a meeting with the reigning world champions next weekend. And after that, Scotland and then three more knock-out games before Johnny Sexton tucks Webb into his luggage.
Still, that Tonga trepidation had been real, not least when their subs walked past all 6ft 5in of Donal Lenihan when he was chatting to Hugh Cahill pre-match and managed to make him look as lofty as Craig Casey.
Hugh, understandably enough, counselled against stereotyping the Tongans as just big lads, Donal agreeing. And then he told us that their frontrow weighed, “in plain man’s language”, and none of this kilos malarkey, “62 and a half stones”. Like an articulated truck.
“I bet you’re relieved you’re sitting here having a cup of tea and a biscuit and not playing against them,” Mark Pougatch said to Rory Best back on ITV. Rory nodded enthusiastically before reaching for his Coconut Cream.
Meanwhile, Jamie was fretting over Ireland “not humming” just yet, an observation that will have pained Romanian ears a week after they conceded 12 tries and lost 82-8 to our lads. Imagine if Ireland had been on song?
“Average is the enemy of success,” Jamie continued, suggesting that the team’s current form wouldn’t be good enough to cope with South Africa in their third pool game, so he wanted to see a considerable step-up against Tonga. By half-time, he allowed himself a hint of a smile, a handsome enough 31-13 the lead.
“Everyone was delighted to see Johnny Sexton break the points record,” said Jacqui. “Apart from ROG,” said Stephen Ferris, Jamie suspecting from the nature of Johnny’s celebration, he was a bit chuffed himself.
Simon Zebo, meanwhile, was swooning over Mack Hansen’s footwork when he Riverdanced past half of Tonga to score that highly-delectable try. As Donal put it, “Dancing on Ice!”
The highlight – in a quirky sense – of the second half was when the stadium DJ blasted out Gloria Gaynor’s ‘I Will Survive’ when Ireland went 52-16 up, prompting a disco to break out in the stands where men in Leprechaun hats bopped to their hearts’ content. It was a kind of magic mushroom moment.
“If they can keep that form up,” said Donal, “Ireland can go places they’ve never been before,” a bit like the Starship Enterprise. But even after it finished 59-16, our two panels still wouldn’t allow us lose the run of ourselves.
Man of the match Bundee Aki joined in on that effort – “We’ve a lot of things to work on ... we’re still not happy with the way we performed” – while Stephen suggested that if Ireland gave away as many penalties against South Africa as they did against Tonga, they’d be, in so many words, mullered.
BOD was maintaining the theme back on ITV. “So far they’re doing well, but it’s a much different and sterner test next week. These games have been done in 60 minutes and scorelines have flattered them a small bit. South Africa won’t throw the towel in after an hour ... that’s for sure.”
That sounded a little ominous, but Stephen finished on a high, allowing himself to get a small bit giddy. “I have a good feeling ... it’s going to be a huge, huge task against South Africa, but I fancy it.”
“All roads lead to Paris,” said Jacqui where average will be the enemy of success. Heaps more trepidation, then, but so far, not too shabby at all.
