January

"Almost every night I dream of being back playing on the beach like I was as a boy - then I wake up and it hurts because I am in the real world."

- Ronaldo, struggling to come to terms with mega-stardom.

"I'd like to thank the Kray family for sending me flowers."

- Mike Tyson sends hugs and kisses to those loveable East End rogues on his arrival in England for his 'fight' with Julius Francis.

"English: you created soccer - but we teach you how to play."

- Vasco de Gama banner spotted at the Maracana in Brazil where Manchester United failed to distinguish themselves at the World Club Championships.

"Another damn Limey."

- No hugs and kisses for Winston Churchill from Tyson who was less than overwhelmed when he saw WC's waxwork at Madame Tussaud's in London.

"Paolo was so talented that, had he not been a footballer, he would have been a musician, an artist or a Third World dictator."

- An anonymous former team mate reveals Paolo Di Canio hidden talents.

February

"Darren is like a big teddy bear, you just want to go up and hug him. I think he's the product of his environment. The Irish are laid-back, good-time people. When I saw him at Las Vegas recently, I said, 'What have you been doing - hanging out in the pubs, drinking and smoking cigars?' He replied 'Yeah'."

- Tiger Woods' coach Butch Harmon on Darren Clarke's chilled out approach to life.

"If George had been born ugly he probably would have played till he was 40 . . . just look at Peter Beardsley."

- Paddy Crerand on the beautiful George Best versus the aesthetically challenged Beardsley.

"I told Phil Knight (chairman of Nike), 'that's chump change - you'll make it back in one year'. Phil smiled and said, 'I know, Earl, I know'."

- Tiger Woods' Da after news emerged that his son was renegotiating his $40 milliona-year contract with the company.

"I was in a shop last week buying a lottery ticket and someone asked 'Why are you going in for that?"'.

- Roy Keane on life after signing a £52,000-a-week contract with Manchester United.

Question: "To what do you attribute this year's success?" Answer: "Mmmm....Red Bull!"

- The response of a 16-year-old girl after her team reached the Leinster Schools' hockey final.

March

"Look at the video again and you'll see that two of the three tries were from three or four yards, and the other one I was just lucky to pick the ball up and there seemed to be a big gap ahead. I don't think there was much in it. It could have been anyone."

- Brian O'Driscoll after scoring three tries for Ireland in the glorious 27-25 victory over France in Paris. Cocky so-and-so, eh?

"Last year came back to me. I just said, 'look I have been here before and it's not going to happen twice'. Thankfully it didn't. There WAS a silent prayer. It went 'please Lord let this go between the posts'. And it did."

- David Humphreys, who kicked the winning penalty in Paris, on how he dealt with memories of missing an equally crucial kick at Lansdowne Road last year.

"The Real manager said before the match, Germans can't play - well, he knows better now, I guess. He should shut up, this Mr Camacho or Caramba or whatever his name is."

- Bayern Munich's Giovane Elber following the Germans 4-2 victory over Real Madrid in the Champions league (NB "Mr Camacho or Caramba" is, in fact, 'Vicente del Bosque').

"Someone said to me 'you Italian ****ing b*****d'. I know I am Italian, they do not have to tell me."

- West Ham's Paolo Di Canio.

April

"I'm not going to look beyond the semi-final - but I would love to lead Newcastle out at the final."

- Geordie boss Bobby Robson, taking two days at a time.

"Wimbledon are on the crest of an absolutely massive slump."

- ITV football pundit Barry Venison.

"I'm not normally short of words but I'm close now. I've been so lucky in racing already but this is a great day to be alive."

- Ted Walsh short of words? Never.

"There was a company on the phone selling outdoor equipment - I asked them if they had any gallows."

- Hamilton Academicals' chief executive Bill Sherry after the club was docked 15 points for failing to play their game at Stenhousemuir.

"WHAAAAT?"

- The response of Ulsterman Joe Swail, who reached the semi-finals of snooker's World Championships, to a reporter's question about him being partially deaf.

"Get fit."

- Munster captain Mick Galwey when asked, after the European Cup win over Stade Francais, what he would do when he retired.