Planet Football: Having played footsie with former Ireland manager Brian Kerr for a while a couple of years ago and then, somewhat bizarrely, suggested that he might declare for The Netherlands, Kevin Nolan contents himself these days with talking up his chances of an England call up.
Sadly, though, neither Sven-Goran Eriksson nor his replacement Steve McClaren seem all that interested. Still, in his BBC website column Nolan occasionally returns to the topic, acknowledging the support he says he is constantly receiving from journalists and ordinary supporters.
"It was nice to hear some people saying I should have been given my chance," he says graciously, "but I will just keep playing for Bolton and hopefully England will not be able to ignore me forever."
Nolan's dignified stand on the matter has, however, puzzled a few people. "I've googled 'Kevin Nolan England call-up', wrote Anish Patel to one British website last week, "and it seems the only references to the Bolton maestro getting an international call-up are either on his Beeb blog or on other blogs quoting his Beeb blog."
Perry has different view
The enthusiasm with which Niall Quinn and his Arsenal team-mates, mmm, how shall we put this . . . socialised, has been well documented over the last few years, not least by the big Dubliner himself.
Now, another of the club's former players, Perry Groves, has provided his own take on what went on behind the scenes in his autobiography. Unlike a few of his former team-mates, however, Groves' doesn't quite seem to have cottoned on that some of what went on at the time was not entirely healthy for those involved.
"I don't care what anyone says, Merse (Paul Merson) and Tony Adams weren't alcoholics; they were just heavy drinkers like the rest of us . . . " says Groves in an interview with Paul Doyle of the Guardian website this week.
When Doyle puts it to Groves that Adams (who helped to set up a clinic to help footballers with addiction problems after successfully battling his own drink related problems) and Merson (who has availed more than once of Adams' hospitality in order to receive help with his drink and gambling related difficulties) clearly believed themselves to be alcoholics, Groves is admirably forthright on where his old mates went wrong.
"There's no way they could train and play at that level if they were alcoholics. It's just not possible."
Amazingly, he admits, Merson has not been in touch with him for more than five years.
Under-10s rocking
After clinching a lucrative sponsorship deal with the rock group Motorhead, Lincoln-based Greenbank under-10s now take to the field to the sound of the band's timeless wonder, Ace of Spades, and wear and all black strip with a skull on the front.
The team's manager, Gary Wright, secured the deal getting in touch with the band's singer, Lemmy, who he knew from his own days as a roadie with The Stranglers.
"I sent an email off to them one evening and they came back and said it was a great idea," he explains. "I think the thought of a football team running out with the Motorhead logo made him (Lemmy) chuckle a bit."
WAG guide
We're impressed to see that Virgin Money has published a guide for wannabe WAGs.
The company points out that young women intending to bag themselves a professional footballer should first amass a, er, war chest with an up front investment of more than €40,000 plus an annual budget of around €30,000 required to put aspirants in the same league, so to speak, as a premiership star. The recommended capital investments include yes, you guessed it . . . breast implants (€9,000), a designer wardrobe (€10,000) and "body conditioning" (€14,000) while items like hair care (€9,000), gym membership/personal trainer (€7,700) and clothes (€10,000) account for the bulk of the annual spend.
Quotes of the week
"The food is catastrophic and it's always raining. It's difficult for my wife and son. When there's no training and no match we watch a DVD under a warm blanket."
- Manchester United's Patrick Evra on the joys of life in the north of England where he moved from Monaco.
"They're difficult to break down."
- Republic of Ireland manager, Steve Staunton, on San Marino before Wednesday's game.
"We should have scored a few more goals, six is better than five are, seven better than six, eight would have been better than seven."
- Bobby Robson's first rule of comparative goals scores, as expressed by the man himself after Ireland's win.
"Maybe I was just a bit post natal"
- Shelbourne midfielder Stuart Byrne, whose partner had given birth to a baby girl the previous Sunday, laughs off his earlier criticism of Derry City manager Stephen Kenny after his side clinched the league on Friday night.
"I'm just looking over there at the picture of Mickey Fox and whatever we achieve, I'll dedicate it to that man there. He embezzled everything that Dundalk is about, and its on nights like these and at times like these that you remember him."
- Dundalk boss John Gill paying tribute to the club's recently departed groundsman while addressing fans after the last home game of the season. There's not been much to embezzle at Oriel Park these last few years, we're pretty sure he meant to say "embodied".
