European Cup Diary: Trevor Brennansuffered the indignity of being the 23rd man against Llanelli but he is determined to take the positives from it
We headed off on Friday to the land of our fathers. For anyone who doesn't know, that's Wales. Destination Llanelli. We stayed in the same hotel as last year but I have to say it was a lot better this time round. Last year I called it the Worst Western Hotel because of the accommodation but I have to say this year the Best Western Hotel was top notch.
We were in the new part of the hotel and the food wasn't bad either. I don't know if someone there picked up on the article but when I was checking in I was asked: "Are you Mr Brennan?" "Yeah," I said.
"You're in suite 22." I had a lovely big double room to myself. It was great.
I was telling the lads that I'd been watching the Rugby Club on Sky Sports on Thursday night and how Stuart Barnes and Dewi Morris had written us off.
They weren't giving us much of a chance. They also spoke about our new signing Gaffie du Toit. Barnes reckoned we still hadn't got our half-back situation sorted out, and how he reckoned Peel and Jones would tear us apart. I was just trying to fire the boys up.
We travelled with 24 players so obviously two of us were going to lose out and after breakfast me and Xavier Garbajosa hit the gym. We hadn't been told yet but you just knew from the way training had gone and how lads had been slotting in or out whether you were going to be involved or not.
Most teams bring additional players for fixtures abroad in case of players getting sick or injured. It wouldn't be something new. But it was the first time in my five years here that I've been the 23rd man, so it did feel a bit unusual.
At 10.30 on Saturday morning we went for a light run in the park and at the end the backs and forwards split up. After the forwards did some lineouts our forwards coach Serge gave me the billy and explained why I wasn't in the squad this week. I told him: "Not to worry Serge." I told him that he didn't have to explain, I'd been around the block and I knew the score at this stage.
I probably took it better and less personally than would have been the case when I was younger. As I've said before, this is possibly my last year playing with Stade Toulouse. Whether I finish rugby or play with another club, I haven't made my mind up yet.
It was a bad feeling being left out, it did feel a bit strange. Maybe my reaction comes with age. I decided to get behind the team and to train hard.
There's another six months left in this season. There's going to be a lot more game time for Trevor Brennan. I'm part of a squad. I've had a great run, but I haven't given up yet, and if I do get a chance I have to show the coach I still have a bit of fire in the belly, and I can still give something to this team.
I told him I was going to stay in the park to do a 20-minute run. When I got back to the hotel myself and Xavier Garbajosa had to do a weights session with our fitness coach Seba. I have to say I felt good after the morning. It was probably one of the best morning's work I'd done. I felt I'd played a match before the match. I was wrecked.
Well, it was a cold, cold day in Stradey Park. Guy Noves told myself and Garbajosa to warm up with the lads, which we did. I was telling the lads: "Defence. Close zone zero," as we call it over here. "Tackle, tackle, tackle. Defence will win us the game. Peel likes to snipe around the sides. Mauls etc. Fight for the ball on the ground." Talking to the lads as we ran back and across the pitch. Guy gave me a tap on the back and told me to keep them going.
I was doing all this to try and fire the boys up, to get behind them even though I wasn't playing. You're still part of the group. I still wanted to see them win and any little you can give at all, you try and give it.
After the warm-up myself and Garbajosa hit the shower and got out to watch the game from the bench. We lost seven points straight away from one of our own throws. A few minutes later, Yannick Nyanga got sinbinned. Another three points and 10 minutes without someone like Yannick can be a long time. Then another penalty. All of a sudden we were 13-0 down after 15 minutes. "Damn, it's not going to be our day." I had visions of Ulster all over again. It was exactly the same kind of start.
But in fairness to the lads they responded by playing some great rugby, and scored three tries, two from Vincent Clerc and one by Clement Poitrenaud - 19 unanswered points to turn a 13-0 deficit into a 19-13 lead. That was the score with 10 minutes to go but then we failed to find touch, they counter-attacked and Simon Easterby scored. Stephen Jones' conversion put them a point ahead, after which we missed a penalty and several drop-goal attempts. But for one or two wrong decisions we might have had a four-try, bonus point win. It just wasn't meant to be our day. A very frustrating defeat.
At the final whistle, from the reaction of the Llanelli supporters and players, it was as if they had won the competition. We've played them for the last three years and they've never beaten us. This result really meant something to them and there was practically a pitch invasion. They also knew, at the same time, that they'd got out of jail.
At the end I looked across at their coach Phil Davies and he put his hands on his head at the full-time whistle and hugged his coaches, as if to say as much. Then talking to Simon, Alix Popham and Dwayne Peel they admitted that we were a little unlucky. We played virtually all of the rugby after the first 20 minutes but that's sport.
After the game, obviously guys' heads were down and not a lot was being said. Myself and Garbajosa popped into the Llanelli supporters club to see the end of the match between our pool rivals London Irish and Ulster. London Irish played some brilliant rugby and Ulster didn't seem to have any answers. The Argentinian number eight, Juan Leguizamon, really stood out and Big Bob Casey put in some big hits. They'd obviously worked a lot on their rush defence, which really shut out Ulster.
I still couldn't believe the result, thinking back how Ulster beat us in the opening match. You'd have thought they were going to go on from there but instead, like us, they have lost two games. They're on five points, and we're on six points, ahead of Irish on points difference, with Llanelli on 13. Mathematically we still can go through. There's still a glimmer of hope there for us.
Funnily enough, I'd met a load of Munster supporters when we arrived on Friday morning in Cardiff airport. I had a chat with a couple of them and they said they'd be shouting for us, that they'd be wearing their red in support of us. I said thanks a million lads, but so will 9,000 Llanelli supporters. "Oh, I never thought of that," said one of them. I wished them luck against Cardiff on Sunday.
When we returned on Monday it was back to work and all the talk was about the four-page spread in Midi Olympique, with a heading on their front page: "Stade (Toulousain) dans le rouge." Stade in the red.
In contrast to us, Biarritz and Stade Francais were going well and we had loads of problems, according to Midi Olympique. It gave out about everything, especially the recruitment. We were still missing a prop and we had never replaced Christian Labit or Isitolo Maka; we haven't a number eight to take the ball forward. Interviewing different people, it was also claimed we hadn't developed enough talent through the Espoirs and the under-age system as we used to in the past. Many of our former Espoirs were playing first division rugby with the likes of Bourgoin, Agen, Perpignan and Narbonne.
There needed to be some way of keeping them in the club and that there needed to be a big overhaul in the squad. It was fairly heavy stuff.
We now have two games before Christmas, Llanelli at home and then Biarritz away in the French Championship, and there's no room for error. We stand fifth in the Top 14 and one more loss could leave us dangerously off the top four, while obviously a loss at the weekend would definitely mean we're out of the European Cup, no matter what happens in Ravenhill between Ulster and London Irish.
(In an interview with Gerry Thornley)
Trevor Brennan's Heineken Cup diary can also be read on the erc website, www. ercrugby.com
