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TV View: It’s France on the Slammers as Ireland have to make do with a Triple

Shane Horgan keeps the cork in the bottle and looks at what Ireland had to beat

Ireland’s Bundee Aki and Cian Healy celebrate winning the Triple Crown with their sons Andronicus Junior Papamau and Beau. Photograph: Billy Stickland/Inpho
Ireland’s Bundee Aki and Cian Healy celebrate winning the Triple Crown with their sons Andronicus Junior Papamau and Beau. Photograph: Billy Stickland/Inpho
Mary Hannigan's picture
Mary Hannigan
Sat Mar 19 2022 - 22:50

There was a bit of a Gordon Gekko-ish feel to Super Saturday. For those of a certain vintage, and we’re talking severely wrinkly here, winning a Triple Crown would have been enough to keep you content for at least a decade. After all, since this competition got under way, we’d only won one every 11.6 years.

But with a sniff of a championship in the air, greed got the better of some folk, mainly those with a modest number of miles on the clock – partying put on hold, like a Triple Crown wasn’t already enough to blow the roof off with fireworks, ticker-tape, champagne corks, and the like.

Shane Horgan only served to add to these levels of avarice by somewhat downplaying just the 12th Triple Crown in our entire history with a response along the lines of 'meh' because of the quality/misfortune/sobriety of the opposition.

“Wales have had a bad championship; England have been pretty much in disarray, and they lost a man against us; the Italy game was a complete right-off because they were down to 13 men; and Scotland were off the back of a massive drinking session last week.”

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In light of Italy beating Wales earlier in the day, their first win since 2015, we knew that rugby could be a funny old game

Matt Williams and Rob Kearney chuckled, but still reckoned Shane was being harsh, in a 'you can only beat what's put in front of you, even if they'd been on the batter' kind of way.

In fairness, Shane subsequently saluted Scotland for going on the tear – “in this age of automaton players . . . it’s heartwarming to know this still goes on”– but didn’t think that class of preparation would help their cause in Dublin.

Ultimately, it didn't, but they managed to keep the nation waiting until two minutes from time for that bonus-point try, even though Tommy Bowe, on the touchline, had sensed it would arrive a whole lot earlier because "Johnny Sexton has a smile on his face – he's slapping his team-mates on the bum!"

The Irish players celebrated come full-time, as did Andronicus Junior Papamau, son of Bundee Aki, this being his first Triple Crown making him appreciate the achievement unlike the greedy. Granted, he's only one.

France, then, had to beat England in Paris, an eventuality not all that many saw happening, including Eddie Jones judging by the mush on him when he got off the coach at the Stade de France.

But, said Jacqui Hurley, "on ne sait jamais", which Google Translate said means "you never know". After all, in light of Italy beating Wales earlier in the day, their first win since 2015, we knew that rugby could be a funny old game.

Stephen Ferris agreed, anything was possible, even Italy not losing. Although it wasn't the opposition in Paris he had faith in. "If anyone's going to beat France tonight, it's France."

Jamie Heaslip conceded that this would be a difficult evening for Ireland, having to support England, but you do what you have to do when there's a championship up for grabs, even if bellowing "send her victorious, happy and gloooooooorious" during the anthems didn't come easy.

RTÉ subjected us to France's Grand Slam celebrations, when there was no need at all, but allez, chapeaux off

So, did England do us a favour?

They did in their arses. Hopefully their chariots got stuck on a P&O ferry.

They occasionally offered us a glimmer of hope, but, on the whole, allowed France waltz towards glory, leaving our lads second in the table.

“They’re the kings of France,” said Jamie, saluting the Grand Slam lads. “They’ll want that feeling again when they wake up tomorrow morning . . . or in a few days,” he said, predicting a Scotland-like knees-up.

RTÉ subjected us to France’s Grand Slam celebrations, when there was no need at all, but allez, chapeaux off.

Back home, it was time to unleash the fireworks, ticker-tape and champagne corks, the first Triple Crown since the dim and distant past of 2018. No small thing, stop being greedy.