After last year’s Boat Race was held – for pandemic-related reasons – in the back-of-beyonds of Cambridgeshire in front of a crowd made up of four cormorants, three otters and two ducks, making it a challenge for the BBC to describe the atmosphere as electric, it was back to normality on Sunday. Back to the Thames.
Not that the build-up to this one went without its hiccups. Ahead of the race, for example, Cambridge’s towing van was stolen in London leaving organisers wondering if their crew would quite literally miss the boat come Sunday, necessitating a row-over to Oxford.
No sympathy is being expressed here for criminality, let it be stressed, but part of you had to feel for the person who nicked the van and thought their crime would go undetected despite joyriding it around Putney with “WE ARE CAMBRIDGE” and a set of oars emblazoned on its sides.
Happily, Cambridge made it to Putney, possibly transporting their boat by Tube, where Clare Balding and a hefty BBC crew was waiting, the channel, as is the norm, appointing almost as many staff to cover this event as it does the Olympic Games.
Clare did her damndest to persuade the viewers that this event doesn’t just feature posh people, before introducing us to chats with crew members Barnabe, Tobias, Amelia, Anastasia, Imogen, Jasper and two Ollies.
And she told us that Cambridge’s Adriana Perez Rotondo is doing a PhD in computational neuroscience – which, need it be said, employs mathematical models, theoretical analysis and abstractions of the brain to understand the principles that govern the development, structure, physiology and cognitive abilities of the nervous system – having already completed a masters in applied mathematics and theoretical physics.
With brains that heavy, no wonder they need the cox people to be so light.
They, evidently, are only allowed to eat once a month, unlike the actual rowing persons who can’t get enough grub in to themselves.
We saw the Oxford lads having breakfast, which consisted of four poached eggs and heavily buttered bagels with Nutella spread on top. “It’s really, really hard to eat too much,” Oxford’s Liam Corrigan told us, “it’s honestly hard to put on weight.” You’d be in tears for them.
Time for the women’s race where Cambridge were seeking a fifth successive victory, in the end the only competitive aspect of the spectacle the deliciously spicy tussle between the Beeb’s resident experts.
Zoe de Toledo: “I think Jasper put his crew in a position that was too risky, unnecessarily risky.”
Matthew Holland (not our former midfield general): “I think we’ll have to agree to disagree, the result will speak for itself, the risk has paid off [sniff].”
The issue that divided them was the “aggressive coxing” of Cambridge’s Jasper Parrish, and not Jasper Carrott, as those whose ears need syringing heard.
There was a bit of the kamikaze about Jasper, his initial mission appearing to be to sink Oxford, and then he caused our commentator Andrew Cotter no little discomfort with his effin’ and blindin’. “Oh, there we go, lively language,” said Andrew as Jasper implored his crew to ****ing speed up a touch. But there was no need, they were home and hosed.
The Oxford cox made an unsuccessful effort to have Jasper and co disqualified, but the last time that happened in the Boat Race was 1849, so the precedent wasn’t massively encouraging.
You never, of course, want to be parochial about these things, but if there’d been the first disqualification in 173 years, there’d have been hell to pay because our Caoimhe Dempsey was, once again, on the winning crew. And those who will recall Caoimhe singing Óró Sé do bheatha ’bhaile for the BBC ahead of last year’s contest will know that she’s a national treasure.
Oxford, though, had a decidedly happier time of it in the lads’ race, fuelled by poached eggs, heavily buttered bagels and Nutella they won for the first time since 2017.
All you could think of was the poor person joyriding around Putney with “WE ARE CAMBRIDGE” emblazoned on their van, and all the locals hollering “LOSER!”
