I can't claim to have seen every edition of Match of the Day or Football Focus in my lifetime and I'm fairly sure I didn't read every interview he ever gave, but I'd still hazard a guess that never before was Vinnie Jones asked: "Can you see a time when cars will be made from cheese?".

You might have read about the interview during the week, at the end of which our Vinnie stormed out, hollering juicy expletives at his questioner. A brave/stupid/not altogether aware of Vinnie's reputation (delete where you think necessary) questioner he was too, one who appeared intent on taking the mickey out of the football legend who nearly played for Ireland but mercifully didn't.

Jon Wilde was his name and he was chatting with Vinnie for American lad magazine Stuff 4 Men ahead of the release of Vinnie's latest film, Snatch. "What's your opinion of the idea that all men are essentially bisexual," Wilde began, to which a none-too-impressed Vinnie responded: "I don't know what you're getting at but you're ****ing giving me the right hump - ask something else." Wilde agreed: "You seem to have a soft side - aren't you really a bit of a teddy bear?".

Now, the last time anyone provoked Vinnie in quite the same reckless fashion he ended up being bitten, punched, kicked and had his head stamped on three or four times. The victim in question was Vinnie's neighbour who had been foolish enough to have an argument with him over a gate - and, as we know, gates stir the worst of passions in all of us. Vinnie was found guilty of assault and had to do 100 hours of community service for his sins.

If you recall there was talk at the time of Vinnie trying to teach kids football skills as part of his community service but the assistant chief probation officer for Hertfordshire very nearly replied: "I said 100 hours, not years."

Anyway. "One thing I ain't is a ****ing teddy bear," Vinnie continued before Wilde changed tack and asked for his interviewee's opinion on the chances of cars one day being made from cheese. Vinnie upped and left, saying nothing like "cheerio, God bless now, pleasure talking to you, say hello to the family."

I DREADED the day, to be honest, the day when Vinnie would discover the painful truth - he's like a drake out of water in the film world. True, once they outlawed tackles from behind Vinnie's football career was effectively over and maybe he had nowhere to go but Hollywood, but still, when I heard he was going in to the movies I knew that crowd would never understand him.

Yes, for a while it was grand. You know that film Being There with Peter Sellers? He played Chance the Gardener who wasn't very bright but whose muddled thinking was interpreted as brilliance by the powerful people he, through a string of bizarre events, ended up mixing with.

"Do you think that we can stimulate growth through temporary incentives," the President of the United States asked him of the economy. "As long as the roots are not severed, all is well - and all will be well in the garden," replied Chance, of his garden. Voila: Chance was hired as special adviser to the President, who assumed he was an economic genius. (Any similarities between current President elects living or living are purely coincidental).

Vinnie? What are the chances of your latest film winning an Oscar? "As I say, at the end of the day, all credit to the lads, obviously. It's early doors and, yes, this game needs a goal, but we've set our stall out and it's all to play for. The director's got a good engine and you can't question his commitment but obviously if he don't win an Oscar we'd say: `he'll be disappointed with that'. As I say, 10 men usually play better than 11, Brian, but you've GOT to hit the target from there and do your talking where it counts, on the pitch. I know it's a cliche but it's handbags at 10 paces."

"Like, wooooooow," the movie media would gush, triumphantly declaring they'd discovered the new (enter the name of any actor who was ever acclaimed as the king of perceptive analogies and talked twaddle which was mistakenly interpreted as revealing, insightful and intelligible). "Gee, how do you feel about being so highly regarded by the movie media, Vinnie? "Well, as I say, it hasn't sunk in yet, to be honest, Brian."

But now they're giving Vinnie a hard time because they've discovered, much to their disappointment, that he doesn't have his head up his backside and is a bit of a regular lad who doesn't lie awake at night wondering when cars will be made from cheese, instead concentrating on trivial matters like supporting his wife who's recovering from cancer.

Now they think they can embarrass him by confronting him with such erudite, learned, cultured questions as "can you see a time when cars will be made from cheese?" And now they laugh at him when he storms out of interviews vowing to return one day to dismember them limb from limb.

Gee, tell you what Brian, gimme Vinnie - with all his too-many-to-mention faults - as company any day ahead of tulips like Jon Wilde.