AGAINST THE ODDS:It all comes down to the bold Vinny in the fourth staging of the 'Modern Pubtathlon', writes RODDY L'ESTRANGE
DURING the warm-up, Vinny Fitzpatrick had been light-fingered, accurate and sure of touch. His five 50 cent coins had landed exactly where he pitched them and had bounced just the right amount forward.
Two of them finished plum to the whitewashed wall; two others were within six inches while the fifth was a gimme. If his nerve held it would take some tosser to trump him. “You’re good to go,” said Macker, as he bent down to collect the coins. “By my reckoning, you’ll be on in about 15 minutes.”
For a Sunday evening in midsummer, the venerable tavern on the Clontarf Road was jammers for the fourth staging of the “Modern Pubtathlon”. The event was always held in Olympic year and involved five pubs, five contestants and five disciplines – speed chess, dominoes, rings, darts and pitch and toss.
The winning prize was worth €500 to the successful team, in addition to complementary creamy pints. To ensure there was no skullduggery, all contestants had to be regulars of good standing in their pub.
Vinny felt Foley’s team was the right blend of youth, experience and ability. Two-Mile Boris was the perfect lead-off man as he was a chess grandmaster, who claimed to have beaten Viktor Korchnoi in a challenge match in Leningrad as a teenager.
For speed chess, each player was given five minutes to make as many moves as possible, and Two-Mile was nigh invincible.
Brennie was entrusted with getting “a result” in the dominoes; Peter “Lofty” Peake, a medium-fast opening bowler for Clontarf, was a fascinating choice for the rings, while Big Dave, always solid on the oche once he stayed sober, was in the darts hot seat. That left Vinny as last man standing in the pitch and toss.
Wearing a smart black polo shirt, courtesy of Nipper Foley, Vinny had a quick butcher’s hook at how things were going on the chess tables. Two-Mile had won two games and was on his way to winning a third – he was a certainty to pick up five points.
At the domino table, Brennie cut a forlorn figure. “He can’t buy a double,” whispered Fran, who was doing his best to keep Brennie’s spirits up.
In contrast, Nipper’s gamble with Lofty was paying off in the rings where the task was to hit 31 points exactly with five rings. Lofty’s over-arm style was unsettling his opponents and he’d won two of the first three legs already. Big Dave was holding his own with his arrows and would probably finish no worse than third. By Vinny’s calculation, Foley’s were on course for maximum points from two of the five disciplines – he was going to be needed after all.
Out in the beer garden, the tossers were flexing fingers ahead of battle. Vinny recognised his nemesis Lugs O’Leary, representing The Dollymount Inn. While Lugs was a nasty piece of work, he had the touch of an elephant and Vinny was sure he’d have his measure. The favourite was Mickey McGraw, known as “Quick Draw”, from The Schooner, who had such a feel that he was known to close his eyes before tossing.
The other two candidates were unknown to Vinny; there was Johnner, an aul fellah from Shingles, and Simon, a straw-haired gangly youth, from Larry’s on the Howth Road.
Charlie St John Vernon, the referee, called the contestants to heel. “Right chaps, there will be five throws each, all from eight feet range. The coin closest to the wall of the five is the counting coin. Whoever’s coin is furthest away is eliminated. Good luck tossers,” he said.
Vinny’s first flight was sloppy but he soon found the range and was pleased that two of his coins finished an inch or so from the wall. After two rounds, Johnner and Lugs O’Leary were eliminated.
Ahead of round three, Vinny felt a light touch on his arm. It was Fran. “All the other scores are in,” he whispered. “Two-Mile and Lofty won. Big Dave was second and Brennie was fifth. A top-two finish from you will do it.”
Vinny puffed out his cheeks. He knew Quick Draw was too good for him but felt he had the measure of Simon. For the penultimate round, Quick Draw had gone first. He stitched four of his five coins hard by the wall, to deserved applause. Vinny went next. At 54 his pitching arm was sound but he was no scratch tosser and his best effort rolled to a stop one and a half inches from the wall – close, but no cigar.
Vinny noticed Simon was glistening as he stood up to the oche. There was tension in the air as the lads from Larry’s gathered around. If Simon snuck into second place, Larry’s would win the “Modern Pubtathlon”.
Vinny felt like a snooker player in The Crucible, sitting helplessly in his seat while his opponent builds a frame-winning break.
Simon’s first couple of throws betrayed his anxiety. They were over-hit and rolled back several feet from the wall; the third fell short of Vinny’s mark. As he prepared for the fourth throw, Simon delayed as he fished his hand into his pocket for a coin.
The action was strange as most throwers had the five coins in hand at the start. Simon fingered the coin, again for a little longer than usual thought Vinny, before flicking his wrist and sending it airborne.
The coin had a slightly lower flight but it tracked beautifully towards the wall and dropped down delicately, landing a whisker past Vinny’s mark. As Simon punched the air, the lads from Larry’s went berserk with joy.
Being a sport, Vinny bent down and picked up Simon’s winning coin. As he turned to offer his hand of congratulations to his conqueror, he held the coin between forefinger and thumb. It seemed slightly heavier than a normal 50 cent piece.
Out of curiosity, he studied the coin. Instead of being flat, it was ridged on one side by a layer of metal, possibly lead. Vinny knew a con job when he saw one. With his handshake, he pulled Simon in close to him, so close he could see the perspiration on the young man’s upper lip. “If you want it that badly, you can have it,” he hissed.
Not long after, the first punch was thrown and all hell broke loose.
Bets of the week
2pts – Donegal to beat Kerry in All-Ireland SFC (11/8, Paddy Power)
1pt – St Patrick’s Athletic to beat Hannover 96 in Europa League (9/1, William Hill)
Vinny’s Bismarck
1pt – Lay Tiger Woods to win WGC Bridgestone Invitational (5/1, Ladbrokes, liability 5pts).
