I have a question on finding a will. My mum died four years ago this month. My dad has only had an interest in the boys in the family and not the girls. Since my mum died he has even less interest.
My older brother has since moved into the family home. Both my dad and brother have refused to give any information on my mother’s will. She didn’t have much – just some jewellery and she said she wrote us all individual letters.
I’ve no idea what to do. I’ve emailed solicitors in the area and some have come back confirming her will is not with them and some did not even answer. When I ask my dad, he refuses to discuss it and defers to my brother – who also won’t disclose any information.
I’ve also tried to find if she has gone through probate and that has also no success. What else can I do? Ms AS
Not a lot, is the truthful answer. These stories always get me down. Personally, I find it incomprehensible that families cannot navigate some way of finding accommodation with each other at such emotionally charged points in their lives but the experience of this column is that it is far from unusual in Ireland.
I simply cannot see the advantage to your father and/or brother in refusing to communicate with you on what is a very simple matter. Either your mother left you something, in which case you are entitled to it, or she didn’t in which case, it just grants you closure.
As you say that she had very little in assets – you mention some jewellery – it is not like there is any financial incentive in duplicity.
[ My husband says it’s pointless for him to make a will. Is he right?Opens in new window ]
In terms of seeing the will, while I never understand people hiding a will from family members, the law says you have no absolute right to see it unless and until it passes through probate.
And probate might not have been necessary here. If most assets – such as the house and bank accounts – were in joint names and anything in her own name was worth less than €25,000 and did not include shares or a property, probate might not be required so it is quite possible you will find nothing there.
The most distressing thing here is the failure to pass on any personal letter your mother might have left for you. That is just plain nasty.
But, for your own mental health, not least given there appears to be little of other than sentimental value to fight over, I think you might be just advised to put the whole issue to bed and walk away. Four years of stress have got you nowhere and there is the prospect of more of the same for as long as you try to chase down the information you want.
Please send your queries to Dominic Coyle, Q&A, The Irish Times, 24-28 Tara Street Dublin 2, or by email to dominic.coyle@irishtimes.com with a contact phone number. This column is a reader service and is not intended to replace professional advice
