It’s that time of year again when many of the Irish abroad start heading home for Christmas.
For some people, it’s a magical time when we can’t wait to get home and be reunited with our loving families. For others, it’s that dreaded time when you’re stuck at home with your family for two weeks and need to mentally prepare in advance for the torture.
This year, the “scheduling gods” weren’t kind and I’ll be somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean on Christmas Day, hurtling towards Chicago at 40,000ft.
I never mind working over Christmas as there’s always a feeling of camaraderie among the crew and the passengers are extra nice, knowing you’re away from your family at Christmas.
I went to the cinema to see Small Things Like These. By the time I emerged I had concluded the film was crap
Jack Reynor: ‘We were in two minds between eloping or going the whole hog but we got married in Wicklow with about 220 people’
Forêt restaurant review: A masterclass in French classic cooking in Dublin 4
Charlene McKenna: ‘Within three weeks, I turned 40, had my first baby and lost my father’
One interesting thing about working over the Yuletide period is you start to notice the five distinct types of festive traveller and their peculiar habits.
Here’s a rundown of the five most common types of passengers at Christmas.
Little Miss Last-Minute
It’s Christmas Eve in the duty-free of Heathrow airport and little Miss Last-Minute is buzzing around, tapping the card like it’s going out of fashion and laden down with 50 bags of shopping.
Miss Last-Minute barrels on to the plane full of festive cheer and has even managed to buy a box of choccies for the crew! No doubt, this traveller is my favourite and will be getting a cheeky glass of champagne on the house (or plane?).
See, if you’re nice to the crew, it pays dividends.
The Mary and Josephs
At any time of year, these first-time parents are a bit of a dose. Add in the hassle of Christmas shopping, family get-togethers, transporting baby paraphernalia and you have two very stressed-out parents.
They can be recognised by their excess baggage and multiple requests for the air-con to be turned down and baby food heated up.
Anyone without kids who is reading this; enjoy air-travel now while you can, before it turns into a Bear Grylls-style survival exercise.
Laid-back Johnny
Johnny is a young single fella about town. He’s heading back to the old sod for two weeks of being treated like a returning hero.
He’s taking full advantage of the free bar while practicing his rendition of On Raglan Road for the obligatory sing-song at the local pub lock-in.
Dreading it
Not everyone is happy with the prospect of heading back to their hometown for Christmas.
Contrary to what the Hallmark movies might have us believe about small towns being crammed with handsome single guys who want to whisk you off your feet, sometimes they are full of rank boredom and bad memories.
This passenger is not happy and you can tell by the sullen expression of gloom as she hands over her boarding pass. No box of choccies for the crew and definitely no pre-flight drinkies, this passenger looks like they’re heading to Guantanamo Bay for a week and not home for the holidays.
The spirit of Christmas
Remember when Scrooge woke up after being visited by the three ghosts and became the happiest, jolliest, Christmas-iest guy in the room? This jolly soul just can’t wait to get home and be surrounded by the joy and warmth of a family Christmas. He’s full of festive cheer and always a heart-warming person to behold.
When the whole flight is full of passengers, you can really feel the joy of the season radiating through the air.
So, if you’re travelling home for Christmas, no matter what type of passenger you are, make sure to spread the joy and cheer and never forget to have some sympathy for the crew who have to work over the festive period.
And if you can manage it, why not buy them a nice little box of Ferrero Rocher in the duty-free before boarding?
You never know, you might even get a cheeky glass of champagne for your trouble...
- Paula Gahan is an international flight attendant and hosts, The Bad Air Hostess podcast, on Apple and Spotify. Every week, she interviews cabin crew and takes listeners behind the galley curtain to find out what life is really like.
- If you live overseas and would like to share your experience with Irish Times Abroad, email abroad@irishtimes.com with a little information about you and what you do.
