Beef baron gets caught telling pile of porkies: Hats off to George McCabe, the mini-beef baron who had 250 tonnes of meat condemned by Fermanagh Magistrates Court this week.
When asked by the court to explain why fake health certs had been found on his premises, McCabe offered a range of outlandish explanations as to why they might be there other than to facilitate illegal meat trading.
These included that his son had photocopied a number of health certs - which indicate the origin of the meat and that it has been inspected - as part of a project for his degree.
An alternative explanation was that the man who serviced the office photocopier had photocopied a number of labels in order to remedy defects and test their repair.
In the end, McCabe decided against calling his son as a witness in the case, while the photocopier serviceman - who was a former employee of McCabe's - also did not give evidence.
The magistrate, Liam McNally, unsurprisingly reached the conclusion that McCabe's explanations were "completely untrue" but only after recording in his ruling the title of McCabe's son's project which was: "You're telling porkies".
Iona shareholders wait for liquid dividend
For corporate executives, annual general meetings can be trying affairs. Every so often, however, shareholders can hit the nail square on the head with their observations.
At yesterday's annual meeting of tech group Iona, one elederly shareholder put company investors relations policy in perspective. Noting that he was "just a mere ADR holder", he said he had been a shareholder for nearly 10 years and, in that time, had never received a dividend.
In good years, he noted, it was partly company policy but shareholders were also told that the company could invest the money better. In bad years, of course, there was no cash to distribute.
He suggested that next year, instead of the tea and biscuits, which is all he ever got out of the company, they might provide canapés and something "harder" to drink.
After summarising the company's achievements in the last few years chairman Kevin Melia said they would hopefully have something harder to offer.
'Socialist' Bertie keeps up privatisation binge
Now that most of the Great Southern hotel group has finally been removed from the bosom of the State, it's timely to recall Bertie Ahern's publicly declared preference for the group to remain in State ownership.
On his holidays at the Parknasilla Great Southern in Sneem two years ago, Bertie the "socialist" made much of his personal fondness for the hotels and his efforts over the years to maintain their group structure.
The sale of seven hotels yesterday suggests the Taoiseach's personal preferences don't count for a whole lot.
This is same Bertie who dithered for years about privatising Aer Lingus, a process which now looks set to go ahead next month. How his heart must bleed at the prospect.
But wait. Isn't this the same Taoiseach who has presided over five other privatisations since he came to power in 1997? The notorious sale of Eircom is the famous one, but this Government has also sold off ICC Bank, ACC Bank, the TSB and the Irish National Petroleum Corporation.
There's nothing wrong with privatisations. It's just the soft talk about public ownership that grates.
Fianna Fáil takes the Helm
In preparation for next year's date with their fate, the Soldiers of Destiny meet in Westport in two weeks for a final pre-electoral thinkfest. Last year's event was graced by Harvard professor Bob Puttnam and followed by exhortations from Bertie Ahern for us all to become more community-minded. The previous year heard Father Seán Healy preach about social inclusion.
This year's meeting will hear from respected international energy expert Dieter Helm. Hopefully, the invitation to Helm - who advises UK prime minister Tony Blair - signals a move by Fianna Fáil away from their recent fondness for consensus waffle and towards dealing with matters that really concern voters, such as the cost of living and the total absence of effective public transport in the west of Ireland.
