As a normal, healthy, outgoing dust mite, you have come to terms with your limitations and are determined to get the best out of life (maximum cycle three months). While many of your colleagues just hang around in bed all day, you like to get out and about. There's so much to see, like the kitchen shelves, the plants in the bathroom, the furniture in the living room - it's great!
You can give the next generation a head start by choosing only the most exclusive neighbourhoods to lay your eggs. And best of all, you get to cause misery to humans by dumping microscopic but highly allergic faecal matter everywhere you go!
Plus, you are indestructible - at least the vacuum cleaner bag is so clogged it'll never build up enough suction to get you.
But wait! What's that horrible sound? Arrrrrrgh!
Too late. You have been swirled into the eight separate cyclones of the new Dyson machine, and your positive attitude is of little assistance now.
The new version creates smaller, more efficient centrifugal forces than the original Dyson. It creates 330 airwatts of constant suction power, has a 99.9972 per cent filtration efficiency, a filter that catches anything larger than 0.1 of a micron and cost about #45 million to develop.
The Dyson RootCyclone DC07, from £239 (#304), will be available from Irish home appliance stores later this year.
Seen a gizmo? smaccarthaigh@irish-times.ie
