Marry in haste, repent at leisure. The Doomsday Investor - by Declan Hayes - makes the same point about investment. Naturally, he says, if you read this book you won't have cause to repent.
The doomsday investor does not put money on horses. He would only place a bet if he could talk to the jockey, the trainer and the horse. You don't commit funds unless you have the relevant information.
The book may talk in the cocky tones of a London barrow boy but, beneath the jaunty veneer, he is more of a sensible bowler hat-wearing gent who might live in Tunbridge Wells. His motto is caveat emptor, buyer beware.
Based in a Tokyo university, Hayes has a global viewpoint and has written a snappy and witty ABC guide to the quicksands of investing.
He looks at the investor's spectrum, from bonds to property and stocks, and adds his own economic commentary, which makes him sound like P.J. O'Rourke in a pinstripe.
For example, the US, Britain and France should pull out of Kosovo and send the troops into Russia to allow extraction of key resources. It's the economy, stupid!
There's a chapter on the Celtic Tiger - the book was written before September 11th when the tiger hadn't gone to sleep - and his caustic observations are interesting.
The book recommends putting money into Riverdance, thatched cottages and lawyers if they were securitised. The boom was born when Albert Reynolds bagged the loot in Brussels in 1992 - education and high-tech industry are not mentioned.
He advises against being over-exposed to the "volatile" Irish market because of its smallness and points out Dublin resembles London or Tokyo before their property bubbles burst.
He goes through Irish-listed companies and doesn't spare their blushes. Buyer beware. Ryanair is exceptional because Hayes predicts it will eventually be taken over by a bigger competitor.
On the global front, the internet is heading for a fall but he still admires Disney's staying power. Persuading children to nag parents into buying over-priced merchandise may not be ethical but he admires adherence to the bottom line.
Ominously, Wall Street's recent bull run reminds him of the "roaring 20s" before 1929's Black Monday. The author thinks it could happen again.
The Doomsday Investor is an entertaining introduction to investment opportunities and pitfalls and its cynicism makes it all the more enjoyable. Morals are fine but money is too precious to fool around with. If you do not know who you are, the stock exchange is an expensive place to find out.
jmulqueen@irish-times.ie
