Getting the balance right between work and children isn't easy, and women especially should not listen to the "guilt gurus" who would have them sacrifice their careers for the sake of their children, according to a bestselling author who is giving a seminar in Dublin next Sunday.
Dr Susan Jeffers, author of Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, and, her latest work, Freeing Ourselves from the Mad Myths of Parenthood, formerly entitled I'm OK, You're a Brat, says women at work are often made to feel guilty by child experts. "I think women particularly are conflicted because a lot of what I call the `guilt gurus' are suggesting that the mothers must be home in those critical first years."
Women should relax about wanting to pursue their careers. "If they want to work, there really is no evidence to suggest that a working mother is going to harm the well-being of their children as long as the child, of course, is well cared for. I think a lot of parents today are being pressured by the childcare experts and we all have to learn to think for ourselves, to really trust ourselves," she says.
She believes society must address childcare needs. "The workforce loses a lot when women are not involved. And a lot of mothers are not happy being stay-at-home. A lot of women are but for those who really need to find fulfilment in the outside adult world, it is important to have good childcare.
"A lot of us find a great deal of fulfilment in the workplace as well as fulfilment with our families. I think women particularly - and I say only women because they are usually the primary caregivers - need release from the tediousness of childcare. It can be very, very difficult." Many people today are choosing not to have children. "And I think this is a very healthy thing. And I think it's sad when people are pressured to have children when, in their heart, they know they would prefer not to. And I feel that people can have very fulfilling lives if they don't have children - and, of course, if they do. It doesn't matter. You can create fulfilment in life whichever choice you make. "We need to create balance in our lives. We have to have a life rich with friends, with personal growth, with contribution to society, in addition to work and children, but in a balanced way. I think when we are balanced it takes away our fears in all these areas.
"If we have a very rich life, if something happens to our job, it's a little hole not a big one. The same thing can be said with children or relationships, to create so much balance in our life that we feel fulfilled."
A one-day seminar with Dr Susan Jeffers takes place at the Burlington Hotel in Dublin next Sunday, September 17th, 10.30 a.m. to 5.30 p.m. Tickets are £49. For further details contact: Source Sessions, 166 Rathmines Road, Dublin 6. Telephone: 01-4911711.
jmarms@irish-times.ie
