Compiled by LAURA SLATTERY
Making an exit Steven Slater of Jet Blue
IT WAS a testy year in the air cabins. BA staff opted for a strategy of "passive resistance" against their employer – by pouring vintage wine from first class down the sink. Faced with a cabin crew shortage, Air India was forced to invite back air hostesses they had previously sacked for being overweight.
It was only a matter of time before there was an incident. Steven Slater, an American air steward with Jet Blue, wasn’t too happy when a passenger reached for her bag on landing, before the aircraft had come to a stop. So he did what any reasonable man would do: announced his immediate resignation via the intercom, grabbed two beers and activated the emergency slide. Sadly, Slater somewhat undermined this stunt by attempting to get his job back afterwards.
Runner-up:When it came to final departures, it was hard to beat James Heselden (62), owner of a company that makes Segway scooters. He died after plunging from a cliff – apparently while touring his property on a Segway.
Best villain Tony Hayward
IT WAS probably the photographs of a flotilla of yachts silhouetted against a beautiful orange sunset that did it. British BP boss Tony Hayward had chosen to spend a day watching his yacht compete in the Isle of Wight boat race.
Unfortunately, while he was enjoying this family time, the leak from his company’s Deepwater Horizon oil rig was still pumping out crude oil into the Gulf of Mexico at an estimated rate of up to 60,000 barrels a day. “Man, that ain’t right,” said a local retailer. “None of us can even go out fishing, and he’s at the yacht races.” Hayward’s other PR gaffes included saying he would “like his life back” and telling a US Senate hearing he was “too busy” to attend.
Runner-up:Mark Zuckerberg. The Facebook founder was portrayed in The Social Network as a misogynistic, untrustworthy cretin whose motivation to succeed was revenge against peers who had failed to recognise his genius. He'll fit right in with the world's most powerful people.
The fiction award goes to . . . Anonymous Wiki-joker
THE ARREST of former Anglo Irish Bank chairman Seán FitzPatrick in March gave rise to some impressive (but temporary) creative licence on Wikipedia, with details of the incident added within minutes of the news breaking.
“On 18th March, 2010, gardaí arrest Seán FitzPatrick at his residence in Greystones, Co Wicklow. After a 10-minute gunfight, which saw FitzPatrick clamber to the roof of this family home shouting “made it Ma, top of the world”, Garda negotiators enticed him down by announcing that ‘a three- ball needs a fourth on the first tee at Druid’s Glen’. Gardaí threatening to ‘go Corrib’ finally convinced FitzPatrick to co-operate and he was led away to a safe house in the K Club for intense interrogation.”
After much diligent research, The Irish Times can confirm that none of this happened.
Runner-up: The Government's "four-year plan" promised that if we "accept our share of the burden", we could "collectively share in the fruits that will undoubtedly flow from solving our current problems". A few days later, it had become a "five-year plan". Make of that what you will.
Advertisement of the year Bird's Eye '100 per cent polar'
COULD ANYTHING be creepier than opening your freezer only to be confronted by a stuffed polar bear hectoring you about your nutritional choices? Well, if the polar bear was voiced by, say, Platoon actor Willem Dafoe, it would be even more disturbing. Bird’s Eye’s polar bear, which appeared regularly within the commercial frenzy that was the X-Factor’s ad breaks, was full of imagined slights and stalker-like tendencies, reclining in contempt as hapless consumers failed to buy fish fingers of sufficient quality.
“Fiona, I’m watching you,” was the kind of threat that induced aggressive YouTube parodies but, worst of all, Dafoe’s bear was sarcastic. “Hey, Laura, you know I love preparing chicken?” Housewife Laura: “Really?” Polar bear: “No, Laura. Nobody does.” Was it for this that jolly Captain Bird’s Eye was axed?
Runner-up:Three very sinister letters in 2010, as well as "IMF", were direct sales retailer "JML". Its "Snuggie", a cult-like druid's cloak that wouldn't look out of place during a human sacrifice.
Knight in shining armour Elon Musk, founder of SpaceX
BLAME THE vampire squids in the financial sector, Jean- Claude Trichet or Sex and the City 2. Indeed, blame snack purveyor Largo Foods and its depressingly crass ad campaign for HunkyDorys. This has been one of those years when Planet Business’s desire to take our particular lump of hastily thrown together atoms off this Earth and into the stars has only increased. And so South African entrepreneur Elon Musk (right) is our new hero. Alongside Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic, Musk’s company SpaceX is now leading the commercial space race to take paying passengers on pleasure trips to the great black beyond. The question now is where to find the money for a return flight.
Runner-up:Vincent Browne, for the post-Budget broadcast on TV3, in which he asked Conor Lenihan outside the Dáil how he thought Fianna Fáil would do in the election. The protesters in the background, hollering at decibel levels best described as vuvuzela- like, answered the question for him.
