Greetings from Hell. It is somehow appropriate that this article should be written in Hallowe'en week. At the end of the seventh week of the first term at the Smurfit Graduate School of Business MBA programme, it's becoming clear that the reason you hear all those horror stories about doing this course, is because they are true. Now that the days have become depressingly shorter, if you squint in the half light on the approach to Carysfort College it sometimes bears a striking resemblance to Amityville itself. Once through those glass double doors it's not so difficult to pen yourself a lead role in this litany of horrors.
Whether by design or otherwise - I suspect by design - the MBA classrooms are located right at the top of the building. This I assume is because in the parallel universe where the perfect MBA students exist, they like to reside at the top, and getting up those flights of stairs is a new challenge embraced daily in gazelle-like fashion.
The rest of us merely trudge upwards in an ungainly "left-foot, right-foot" formation bent almost double under the weight of tomes of lecture notes, textbooks and laptops. Had I known we were also expected to exhibit all the stealth of a sherpa I would have gone into training in advance.
The alternative lift option takes what seems like an eternity to make its ascent, and this, my friends, is "Down Time", the enemy of the MBA student. You see, in the parallel universe where the MBA programme was designed, there are 35 hours in the day, and 10 days in the week. It is only an unfortunate consequence of its modification for Earthling use, that there is actually not enough time to do the thing properly.
We cover nine subjects each week in lectures of three hours duration. Starting at 9 a.m., there are, on average, two lectures each day. With a one hour break for lunch that effectively is a 4 p.m finish. Now, before you flood the UCD switchboard seeking applications for this Nirvana-esque escape from your 12 hour working day, bear in mind we are also required to deliver a class presentation and written paper in nearly all of the nine subjects. These will be counted towards the final exams.
The coursework is - in the main - conducted among randomly selected teams of five or six members. The teams are the central dynamic of the course, and probably what sets this and other management courses apart from other graduate programmes.
As someone used to working alone, with a certain degree of autonomy, I had grave reservations about working in a team. I tended to operate to the beat of my own drum, which often only became audible just hours before the required deadline. Now you are only as good as the sum of the efforts of your team, and this exerts a pressure all of its own to avoid being the weakest link.
I have to admit to being greatly impressed by the efficacy of the team dynamic. We are in constant contact, and meet about three times a week to conjure up work for the next fresh hell. What I am most struck by, is how a case study or problem posed might seem almost insurmountable in my own mind, but within 10 minutes of thrashing it about in the group, the flow of combined ideas gradually leads us towards a strategy or a solution.
There is a behaviour and culture around team working which is entirely unique. The whole process is a balancing act between pushing your view, listening to others, and selecting the best approaches through agreeable exchanges to arrive at an acceptable conclusion. A complex, but ultimately rewarding process.
Then there are the lecturers. For some reason that hymn, "All Things Bright and Beautiful" springs to mind. As with every course there are some subjects where the team presentations are more instructive than the lecture itself, but in the main there are brilliant, energetic people out here bursting a gut on a daily basis to convey in 12 weeks why their particular discipline, is in fact, the most critical aspect of business administration.
However each lecturer also believes in order to derive the full benefit of his or her instruction, we must read large tracts of material to gain a full understanding. This means packing in a minimum of about four hours reading each evening in preparation for the next class, or more likely, to catch up on the reading for that day's class. This must somehow be managed in tandem with preparing for team presentations and writing class papers.
Finding time is a problem, particularly when you're extremely susceptible to study evasion tactics like myself. Cleaning and cooking are now activities I embrace with all the fervour of a true zealot. The best solution I've come up with, and I know former colleagues out there will fall of their perches when they hear this, is to be at my desk at 6 a.m. and get in a couple of hours before college starts. Now how Margaret Thatcher is that?
One of the most interesting studies I've seen since this course began, was a survey of managers conducted in 1987 which asked whether they would give up their jobs if they won the lottery. In Japan, 93.4 per cent said they would continue working, while 6.6 per cent would pack it in. Closer to home, in the UK, 31.2 per cent of respondents said they would give up their jobs.
Nowadays, as I sit in traffic on Avoca Avenue watching Blackrock "moms" on frazzled school runs throwing their behemoth Discovery jeeps about the place, I sometimes fantasise about a career in cooking and cleaning maybe.
