All summer you've put up with it, the incessant yapping of Sparky, the half-dog, half-rat so beloved of those cretins next-door. Aside from barking, Sparky's main talent is chasing moving objects. He likes to chase postmen, bicycles and cars, but what he really adores chasing is things thrown for him by Mr or Mrs Cretin or one of their children. And the thing he loves most to be thrown is a green tennis ball.

Which is where you come in. To give Sparky a doggie personality "complex" that will last a lifetime, simply purchase the XL Tennis Ball, and accidentally drop it within 50 feet of the rat-dog. Watch with joy as Sparky first misjudges the distance between him and the ball, recovers, then tries to place the 27cm orb into his 10cm jaw!

The XL Tennis Ball, £24.50 sterling (£31) is available at www.iwantoneofthose.com.

Gizmo suggestions welcome: smaccarthaigh@irish-times.ie