Difficult conversations are inevitable at work. Here’s how to get what you need while also keeping your relationships intact.
1. Change your mindset
If you’re gearing up for a conversation that you’ve labeled “difficult,” you’re more likely to feel nervous and upset about it beforehand. Instead, try framing it in a positive way. For instance, you’re not giving negative performance feedback; you’re having a constructive conversation about development. You’re not telling your boss no; you’re offering up an alternate solution.
2. Breathe
If, for example, a colleague comes to you with an issue that might lead to a hard conversation, excuse yourself – get a cup of coffee or take a brief stroll around the office – and collect your thoughts.
3. Plan, but don’t script
It can help to plan what you want to say by jotting down notes and key points before your conversation. Drafting a script, however, is a waste of time. Your strategy for the conversation should be flexible.
4. Acknowledge your counterpart’s perspective
Don’t go into a difficult conversation with a my-way-or-the-highway attitude.
5. Be compassionate.
It’s wise to come at sensitive topics from a place of empathy. Be considerate.
6. Slow down and listen.
7. Give something back
If, for instance, you’re laying off someone you’ve worked with for a long time, “You could say, ‘I have written what I think is a strong recommendation for you; would you like to see it?,’” suggests Holly Weeks, the author of Failure to Communicate If you need to tell your boss that you can’t take on a particular assignment, suggest a viable alternative.
8. Reflect and learn
After a difficult conversation, it’s worthwhile to consider what went well and what didn’t. Weeks also recommends observing how others successfully cope with these situations and emulating their tactics.
