In a Word... Average

One of the consolations for those of us categorised as “average” in looks and height is the comparative, if inevitable, dullness of the tall and beautiful. They never have to be interesting to get attention. Over time this leads to a dearth in personality, with height making that more conspicuous while looks fade. Nor should we take pleasure in this. It’s a sin.

But I still think the line, “only the very young or very beautiful could be so aloof/Hanging out with the boys, all swagger and poise” has to be one of the great openings to a song. In this case from Tom Robinson’s 1983 hit War Baby.

One might forgive “the very young” for all that “swagger and poise” but never the “very beautiful”. Flaunting such advantage indicates a lack of “class”, not social class so much as absence of good manners.

Humility is so attractive in the unnaturally gifted. It can help overcome the dejection others might feel in their company; not least among those who believe such biological advantage too should be levelled in the name of justice and equality. Like wealth or opportunity, or both.

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The bar is so low for violent men they are ‘to be given credit’ when they admit their guilt

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It is surely merely justice that an equivalent such as the inheritance tax applied to the wealthy should be levied also on those born with such advantages over the majority average in our population.

Like horses at the racecourse, or golfers anywhere, they should have a handicap to ensure fairness. This could be eased as they grow older, lose looks, some height, and become bereft of swagger and poise as they too approach that average condition bestowed on most of us. It would be just.

[ In a Word...Prejudice ]

At least until they have reached a stage in life similar to Sir Andrew Aguecheek in Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, when he said, reflecting on his youth: “I was adored once too.” Indeed, all youth should be handicapped until middle age imposes its unhappy limitations.

Yes, all should be deprived of advantage, with dearth the leveller and the average supreme.

[ In a Word ... Concert ]

This may be difficult where those who, through absence of such natural gifts at birth, develop compelling personalities. But it is hardly beyond human imagination to bring them, too, down to the average with a bang.

We can’t have them getting above their station either.

Average, for “a mean [!] proportion”, from French “avarie”.

inaword@irishtimes.com