Moving to a new country is always a dramatic experience. Moving to Germany can be downright traumatic, and that's just thanks to the language. My first days here were a constant consonant horror.

Around every corner lurked a word I could barely speak, let alone understand, multisyllabic monsters I had never seen on a Leaving Cert German paper, such as Einwohnermeldeamt (resident registration office), Aufenthaltserlaubnis (residency permit) and Krankenversicherung (health insurance).

I drew little comfort from the fact that I was not alone: more than seven million foreigners live in Germany - at 9 per cent one of the highest proportions in western Europe. German history is filled with waves of immigration, from the flight of the Huguenots in the 12th century to the arrival since the 1960s of Turkish Gastarbeiter (guest workers) to West Germany and Vietnamese to East Germany.

Now new arrivals can turn to a glossy 223-page handbook that gives the lowdown on everything that stirs the German soul, from garden gnomes to Goethe. It is full of useful information, even if its authors adopt a plodding tone of civil-servant German that will do little to improve the reputation of Germans abroad. "Easter eggs do not come from hens but from the Easter Bunny," the authors note gravely in the first few pages.

The handbook runs through German history and geography, then takes a look at German life. Unsurprisingly, food plays a huge role. "For decades the number-one fast-food dish in Germany was bratwurst with chips, ketchup and mayonnaise. The Döner kebab has taken its place." Other specialities mentioned include Schweinshaxen (pig's knuckles) and Spätzle (egg noodles).

As well as explaining the obscure and the obvious, the book's authors also seem to derive pleasure from debunking some of Germany's dearest myths, such as the one that Germans are efficient and punctual.

"Germans place a particular importance on punctuality. Radio shows and television shows, of course, begin at exactly the time they are supposed to. This is also usually the case for most buses and trains," according to the handbook. "But, just as in other countries, not everything goes exactly to plan all the time in Germany. Still, appointments in free time should, out of politeness, be taken seriously."

Despite its ideas about itself as a land of poets and thinkers, the book admits that Germany is also a land of footballers and drinkers and that pubs are the best places to "spend the evening together, drinking beer and chatting"; football is described as the "only real and vibrant national culture".

The book is available in six languages, including English, Russian and Turkish, and it contains a wealth of information that nobody bothers to tell foreigners when they arrive. The language and acronyms of apartment-hunting are demystified, for instance, as is how to fill in the daunting bank-transfer form.

Judging from its level of detail, however, the book's target audience appears to be new arrivals from Mars. "In the supermarket, the customer places the goods one after another on the conveyor belt and separates their purchases with a so-called Warentrenner (goods-separator)," the authors intone in all seriousness before going on to describe in some detail why you need a euro to get a shopping trolley.

The book is at pains to point out how to make a good impression when you move into an apartment. After explaining the concept of neighbours, again for the Martians, the book continues: "In Germany, most new tenants introduce themselves to their neighbours. This is, however, a custom of choice. Some are pleased to see new faces. Others are indifferent to who lives in their building."

Despite its best efforts the book seems to revel in some of the narrower-minded aspects of German life. New arrivals trying their best to cope with a new language, a new country and a new job are warned that they are responsible if someone falls on ice outside their apartment. You should also consider sweeping the street once a week. And don't you dare think about trying to wash your car just anywhere. "Car bodywork may only be cleaned in 'car wash installations', 'car-wash-streets' or other special 'washing areas'," says the book in breast-swelling bureaucratese. "Violations against this environmental regulation are an offence."

The odd spiteful remark aside, however, Handbook For Germany is well thought out and long overdue. The Irish Government should get to work on its own version, if only to explain to new arrivals the culinary speciality that is the batter burger.