I began this series with the expression "Wherever you go, that's where you are" and I'm ending it with another: "damned if you do - and damned if you don't". We've spent the past two weeks agonising over the decision, and have finally decided to move back to Dublin.
As I write these words, I'm conscious of the chorus that will greet me in some corners, a certain glee that we just couldn't hack it, the same old assumption that, really, all life begins and ends in the big city. It all boils down to economics at the end of the day, and while the cost of living is less in Manorhamilton, there is a financial benchmark that you have to hit these days regardless of location.
Being here has allowed me certain privileges that I am very grateful for, and has changed us fundamentally as a family. I've had the freedom to spend a great deal of my time with Leo, pottering around in the morning doing my writing, being there for him when he comes home. I've enjoyed seeing him interact with his friends Colm and Ross, and have got to know those children in a way I could never have done if I was working full-time. The downside has been that Tony has had to be away from us for periods of time each week, putting the burden of a long commute on his shoulders. Leo misses him and I miss him dreadfully, so our priority now is to find a way that we can all be together, all of the time.
Staying afloat when you work as a freelance writer is difficult, and when you are geographically removed it's difficult to keep up momentum in a business that's all about contacts and networking. I can keep in touch with the world on the Internet, but I still spend most of time away from the buzz of colleagues, friends and family. That gets in on you after a while.
On reflection, I think a move to a place such as Manorhamilton is only possible for people such as us if we can shift the parameters of our world entirely. Only if you turn your back on the demands of the working world as we know it, and start again from scratch. I'm moving back to begin work on an Internet project and I find it deeply ironic that the avenues I tried to pursue to keep me here have led me back just the same.
While I could do much of the work involved on-line, I still need to be in Dublin for meetings and deadlines, and to balance all that travel with our needs as a family just isn't possible. Nor can I afford to turn down an opportunity that is extremely exciting and will hopefully lead me into a whole new world.
After much thought, we've decided to live in Skerries, which has been greeted with as much surprise as when we told people we were moving to Manorhamilton. "Skerries?" "Skerries?" people have shouted with bemused expressions.
I'm too tired to explain that a commute of 30 minutes on a train would be heaven to us at this stage. We wanted to find somewhere that would have some resonance with here in terms of scale and aesthetic. Driving around Skerries village, we realised it could be anywhere in rural Ireland, except this time we will be in spitting distance of the city for work.
I met a nice man at a christening recently who had no idea of the seditious thoughts we were having of moving back. "I love your column" he said. "Tell me, was it a real move or just a social experiment?" It s has turned out to be both in my mind. I left Manorhamilton before because my relationship had broken up, and at that time I drove away without saying good-bye to anyone. Moving back here helped me to reclaim something I believed I had lost, and this time we will be saying our good-byes properly and in the open.
If we could have found another way which would have enabled us to live and work here, we would have done that, and I want to take this opportunity to thank the people of Manorhamilton who have been so tolerant of this column, and who, when they haven't been tolerant, have been straight enough to tell me.
It's difficult for a community to have someone in their midst who talks about their lives and never asks permission to do so. I admire their ability to live and work here and make the necessary sacrifices for that life. It's no criticism of them that we are leaving. It's just like I said: damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
