Joe Savino (41) is an actor from Dublin who appears in Ballykissangel and Upwardly Mobile. He's been in several relationships, one of which was a live-in arrangement: "It was a bit like a Mary Black song, it started out kind of slow and then fizzled out altogether." He knows a lot of married people who are unhappy, and "most of the guys I grew up with are married and separated". Even some of the couples he knows who are living together are "having problems": "It looks great on paper, living together and sharing everything, but in reality it can be very difficult. Some people are just loners. I don't know, maybe I'm just afraid of a lifelong commitment."
He's not sure about children either: "I don't know if I'd be a good da. I'd need to meet someone first, preferably a complete looper who goes off the wall at the same time as me." He socialises with a group of men in their 30s. "We don't mention words like `marriage' or `relationship'. They're a guaranteed no-no, a real conversation stopper. Sometimes I say: `How long have we been doing this? Will we be here in another 10 years?' Then there's a pause, and someone says, `get us another pint'." He's often asked by women whether or not he's married. "It's usually about 3 a.m. in a nightclub. What sort of question is that to ask? Why would I be out eating hamburgers if I could be at home eating steak?" He says he hates the word "alone": "You need a little place in your head you can go to when the loneliness creeps in. A little patch of heaven in your brain somewhere. Like a record you can put on that makes you feel good. Then it's time to go to bed and you wake up and it's another day."
Peter (remaining anonymous was a big thing with many of the singles interviewed) is a teacher. He is 31, comes from a small town in Cork and is beginning to realise that most of his friends are married while he's still single.
"It seems to be a contagious disease. Once you're over 30 mothers start inquiring - there is a general social push that you should be settling down."
He isn't fazed by it: "I spent my 20s trying to figure out how to survive in the world and operate in relationships. Now that I've figured out some of this I don't feel in any rush." He hasn't been in a relationship for three years: "When I'm in a relationship I'm extremely monogamous. One of the big advantages of being single is casual sex. If you get lucky often enough, you don't feel the need for a relationship."
He finds that single women of his own age are more aware of their "body clock", so "you avoid all sorts of hassle if you just go for a younger woman". He feels sorry for women because "a single man of 40 is seen as a gas man, a bachelor sowing his wild oats, whereas a single woman of the same age is seen as a spinster. The overtones are much more negative for single women."
DERMOT (35) from Leitrim is a farmer who lives with his parents in the family home: "It's probably not the perfect way to be at my age. Bringing people back to the house is not convenient." In his area there are more single men than women, and because everyone knows each other, he would think long and hard before asking a local woman out: "I wouldn't want her to assume right away that it was serious." He says he is shy with a woman before he gets to know her, and his social life revolves around "having a few beers with the lads". He can see himself getting married "down the road", but he hasn't met "the right person" yet.
Tommy who's 35 and works in the haulage business finds it hard to meet women because "everything is based around drink and I don't drink. I work a seven-day week, and you can't be out boogie-ing until 3 a.m. if you're up again at 6 a.m." His circle of family and friends in Co Galway is dominated by couples who are always "asking me when I'm going to give them a day out. It's totally unacceptable to be single in Ireland." A lot of the women he went to school with now work in Dublin and are only home at weekends: "In my village there is a shortage of single women." The women he has met through a dating agency have been "hefty girls, all pioneers. Nice personalities, but so far there hasn't been any chemistry. I want to meet someone I'm sexually attracted to."
For the last five years he has been feeling unhappy about being single: "The way I look at it it's panic stations at this stage." He still lives at home but is building his own seven-room house which he wants to develop as a B&B: "That's where having a woman in my life would be very important. She'd be running the B&B."
