In the Middle Ages, “spinsters” had independent incomes from spinning yarn, meaning they were not obliged to marry. The term only became pejorative when European colonisers in the United States demonised single women without children for failing to build up the settler population. Until very recently, marriage for women was a financial necessity.
Marianne Power’s new memoir – recording her often hilarious exploration of non-monogamous love, sex and childfreeness – offers a feast of insights for every gender.
Guided by the best books on her subjects, Power charts a course to sex and relationships fulfilment while validating her deep desire for freedom. Along the way she sheds generations of accumulated sexual hang-ups – plus the sexual repression she received from education by nuns in an all-girls Catholic school – which meant that by age 40, alongside never having had a relationship lasting more than six months, the “transcendent” loving sex Power yearned for still evaded her. She was tortured by a sense that she was hopelessly uneducated about sex and “shit in bed”.
London-based but with strong Irish connections, including an Irish mother, Power starts her journey from prudery to polyamory – from body shame to erotic sensuality – with the groundbreaking book, Pussy: A Reclamation, in which author Regena Thomashauer advises that if women greet their naked vulvas in full-length mirrors with a cheery, “Good morning, beautiful!”, men will smile at them that day and meetings will go well. Emancipated by The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships, and Other Freedoms in Sex and Love by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy, plus a couple of excruciating weeklong Tantra courses, Power explores sensual touch and sex beyond the constraints of porn-like one-night stands and monogamous relationships.
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Meanwhile, Covid lockdown brings the terrifying isolation that many single people experienced, compelling Power to find connection and friendship with neighbours, helping her to appreciate how vital community is to happiness.
Power’s first book, Help Me! covered a year of self-improvement with self-help books. Love Me! offers the fruits of the author’s five-year love and sexual liberation pilgrimage. It’s the kind of lived research that most are too scared or too busy to even contemplate. Making us laugh and look within, beneath our conditioning, Love Me! is a well-written, illuminating, hugely enjoyable read.
