What if Annie West woke up one fine morning with a plan to draw a moustache, monobrow and even – hey, why not? – a monocle on some of the biggest events in history? But her next thought was nah, can’t be bothered, that’d be a waste of time. The alternative ending for this quirky, funny, spiky book would have been: no book. In the parallel universe of tiny what-ifs, you’d be reading something else right now.
From Sheila O'Malley's 81-year-old Elvis duetting with Adele to Frank McNally's World War I that actually did end by Christmas 1914, in What If? Annie West and 24 contributors from Dublin to San Francisco – including Jim Lockhart, Liz Buckley, Lorna Siggins and Tom Foley – take some of history's most famous and infamous moments for a spin in new and eccentric directions.
Editor Annie West has illustrated each of the written pieces as well as including her own what-ifs. In fact, some of the funniest contributions are hers alone: Abraham Lincoln, all stovepipe hat and spindly fingers, roots through his pockets above the caption, "A fine time to lose your theatre tickets". Her illustrations are good-natured and humane, even as they are razor sharp. In Why all archaeological finds must be reported, a rangy farm dog drinks from the Ardagh Chalice while bored chickens peck near his feet. The scene is a warning not to be careless about the past; using history as merely the footnote to the present is a mistake.
Charlie Connolly's cheekily charming From the diary of Captain Robert Falcon Scott doesn't imagine Scott winning the race to the South Pole ("Who else could it be but Amundsen, the prick") but instead asks what if the Irish had beaten them both, and opened Frosty Jack's Irish Bar to prove it. In What if Einstein hadn't given up the day-job? Dr David Robert Grimes introduces us to Einstein the world-famous violinist. However, his recordings are only available on tape, because without his work as a physicist, CDs and DVDs don't exist. Colm Tobin wonders where we'd be had Michael Collins, that "symbol of that patriarchal, kick-you-up-the-hole, Irish masculinity", been constructed from Ronnie Corbett-scale parts. In What If 'The Big Fella' had been short? the assassination has failed, and Collins, no longer the "oily sex symbol" is left "to face the disappointing reality of nation building".
The concept is particularly successful when it explores a situation that hinges on an obvious coincidence, or already has what if as part of the general understanding of its narrative. Where the book falters is when the alternative ending is a complete impossibility (such as the Titanic being sunk by a sea monster rather than an iceberg).
The under-designed Ronald Searle-ish layout comes across as modest rather than old-fashioned, and ensures that the beautifully detailed illustrations are the stars of the show. And though the idea isn't a particularly new one, in either non-fiction or fiction (Mary Lavin and more recently Kate Atkinson have worked the alternative endings concept brilliantly), that doesn't make What If? a bad idea. Far from it. Whether wistful, despairing or just plain grateful, "what if. . ." is a game everyone plays (And if you say you don't, I don't believe you).
Fans of Yeats in Love, Annie West’s semi-fictional account of WB Yeats unsuccessful pursuit of Maud Gonne, are sure to enjoy this giddy gallivant through alternative endings. Given the current international state o’ chassis, What If? seems particularly pertinent. As would a book called What The. . . .? but I guess – I hope – that’s another set of stories.
