April 9th, 2001: On the Ballymount Road in west Dublin at approximately five o'clock, Jerome St. John Sheehy, driving an Opel Vectra, is stopped by the Garda on suspicion of being a member of an outlawed organisation. He is held for 24 hours and interrogated on his preferences in the matters of public houses, newspapers, interior decoration and holidays. Sheehy's answers fail to allay the suspicions of the arresting officer and he is charged under the Offences Against the State of the Nation Act 1999, whereby membership of the middle classes is a crime in itself.

May 12th: Sheehy is tried in Dublin Circuit (Criminal) Court. He pleads guilty to three charges: having a privileged background, wearing a three-piece suit on the south side of the city and possessing a copy of Thursday's Irish Times (Property Section). May 20th: The sentencing judge, Howie O'Halloran, and the trial judge, Mickser Dunne, discuss the case over drinks in the Submarine Bar. Judge Dunne suggests a suspended sentence is appropriate. Judge O'Halloran disagrees. They sort things out between themselves in the car park. Dunne accepts defeat graciously, while lying on the ground, and O'Halloran sentences Sheehy to 10 years' hard labour, with review date of May 20th, 2002.

May 21st: Media applaud sentence, with some reservations about leniency, and begin ritual flagellation of middle classes, i.e. self-flagellation.

June 6th: Bank Holiday. Judge O'Halloran and Judge Dunne meet in the Gravediggers at 5 p.m. Judge O'Halloran recommends well-known Dublin builder for Judge Dunne's conservatory. They swap Law Library anecdotes. Judge Dunne's driver takes both men home at midnight, stopping at Wah I Noor Chinese takeaway en route. June 8th: According to his own account, Supreme Court Judge Anto McCauley is out walking his pit-bull terrier when he has a "casual encounter" with a neighbour accompanied by a brother of Jerome St. John Sheehy. The Sheehy case is outlined to Judge McCauley. All three repair to the Waxies' Dargle to discuss similar cases, the Kempton Park racecard and Arsenal's chances in the Premiership title race. Later in the evening, Judge McCauley explains his ethical position to Sheehy's brother and politely tells him to "get lost". June 9th: Shay Lost, a smalltime racketeer in Neilstown, is found by the Garda with two broken legs. He explains that he "tripped over a dog".

July 10th: Judge Dunne's conservatory foundations laid. Wife Wendy delighted.

August 1st: Building trade holidays begin. Judges McCauley and O'Halloran go to Courtown. Judge Dunne takes family to Las Vegas. September 4th: Judge Dunne's conservatory still not completed. Wife Wendy fed up. October 1st: Sheehy case re-entered before Judge Dunne, who doubles sentence to 20 years. Neither the DPP nor the Garda is represented in court in order to create extra space for media to indulge in orgy of approval for judicial decision, and resume flagellation of middle classes, i.e. self-flagellation.

October 10th: Judge Howie O'Halloran has, according to his own account, a "casual encounter" in the Parnell Mooney with Judge Dunne's conservatory builder, and suggests that the work be concluded forthwith.

Builder demurs, and expresses "grave concern" about Judge O'Halloran's mental condition. Builder suffers broken nose. October 11th: Judge Dunne's conservatory completed. Wife Wendy over the moon. Organises dinner party for following week.

October 14th: Quiet day at Four Courts. County registrar completes Crosaire in record time. Judge O'Halloran restores driving licences to 15 grateful applicants.

October 18th: Judge Dunne's conservatory collapses during lavish dinner party. Wife Wendy removed by ambulance to St. Loman's hospital for treatment of "sinus problems". October 24th: Bank Holiday. Judge Howie O'Halloran goes fishing on Lough Conn, landing five trout averaging 11/4lb on Bibio and Peter Ross patterns. Wellknown Dublin builder taken to Mater hospital with serious leg injuries incurred, according to his own account, when he "tripped over a log".

October 27th: Judge Dunne's wife Wendy reports from hospital on "manifestly improper suggestion" made to her by ward sister's husband. Judge Dunne alerts Garda who contact Minister for Justice. Minister requests Attorney General to liase with DPP and commission investigation by Chief Justice. Taoiseach schedules Dail debate.