Shane Hegarty with this week's guide to etiquette for modern living.

3. Men in Labour Wards

1 Camcorders and cameras are OK, but at the right moment: you are not making a Tarantino flick here.

2 Jokingly asking if you can have an epidural is not funny: you think you're the first man to ever ask? You're not even the first that hour.

3 Put plenty of change in the parking-ticket machine: you don't want to be negotiating

with the clampers at the precise moment your child is born.

4 When she curses at you, take it like a man: she's not trying to start a row.

5 Don't chat-up the nurses: it's a labour ward, not a nightclub - and you're a new dad, not a garda.

6 Keep your thoughts to yourself: yelling "uurgh, that's disgusting!" or mumbling "that doesn't look good" will not reassure your partner.

7 If you pop out for a break, don't return to the wrong cubicle: you don't want to be the one to ruin someone else's perfect moment.

8 Shouting "push" isn't wise: the midwives know what they're doing. You don't.

9 There will be plenty of time to make mobile phone calls after the baby arrives: you're there to calm your mate, not chat to your mates.

10 Don't go on about how tired you are: you've got it easy.