"We're either councillors or nothing. We're women!" declared Cllr Tony McLoughlin as he charged out of a recent Birr UDC meeting.

"Speak for yourself," exclaimed the chairman, Cllr Jim McNamara.

Cllr McLoughlin was expressing his disgust at the "haphazard" way the closure of Birr dump had been handled, said the Midland Tribune. After Cllr McLoughlin stormed out, it was left to Cllr McNamara to apologise to the women council members.

In Portlaoise, they're going to war over the "S" word. "R.S.E. SEX ROW", said the Laois Nationalist's front-page headline about an "acrimonious debate on sex and relationships at the December meeting of Portlaoise Town Commissioners".

Commissioner Joe McCormack proposed a motion, seconded by Cllr Tom Jacob, requesting the Minister for Education, Mr Martin, "to make arrangements for schools in the town of Portlaoise to have a special classroom in which the proposed RSE programme could be taught".

Presumably, arrangements would also be made to fumigate the room afterwards, particularly if the "S" word was used.

The cordon sanitaire was the "only peaceful way" to teach the children of parents who agreed with the programme because parents who didn't were "up in arms", claimed Mr McCormack.

Asked by the Cathaoirleach, Ms Catherine Fitzgerald, whether he knew what the letters RSE stood for, Mr McCormack replied that only the letter "S" for sex mattered - the programme taught things which should not be taught to innocent under-12s.

The UDC voted to let the boards of management decide where the courses should be taught.

"I want to clear my name," a local model and dance teacher pleaded on the front page of Kerry's Eye. Ms Joanne Barry also went to the Kerryman in an attempt to squash a malicious rumour circulating Tralee that she was fined £1,000 in a Cork court for soliciting prostitution.

Ms Barry told the newspaper she "has been harassed and verbally abused on the streets of her hometown". Gardai are investigating the rumour's source.

Celtic Tiger? You could have fooled the patients at Naas Hospital where the chapel is doubling as a ward and where a night on a trolley is a routine occurrence, said the Kildare Nationalist.

The same newspaper said the residents of Castledermot have been warned by the chief medical officer to boil water before they drink it because the town's water supply had been contaminated with pig slurry. And Ms Josey Purcell, a mother of 12 children, including two daughters with disabilities, told the Kildare Nationalist of her anger that the recent Budget meant little to her family and went nowhere near giving people with disabilities the help they needed. "The rich get richer," she said.

Her 11-year-old daughter Lynsey, who has cerebral palsy, has been waiting seven months for a pair of special boots costing £70 which she needs and which her parents cannot afford. Ironically, a few days before the Budget, Lynsey met the Minister for Finance, Mr McCreevy, on a visit to Dublin with members of the Newbridge Access Group.

A cross-Border twinning between Naas and Magherafelt is in doubt after unionist councillors snubbed a delegation from Naas who visited the south Derry town, said the Leinster Leader. Three DUP representatives, who included the Rev William McCrea, and one Ulster Unionist councillor refused to have anything to do with the delegation.

Cllr Timmy Conway pointed out that "when the poet Seamus Heaney, a native of Magherafelt, received the Nobel Prize for literature, the DUP members didn't turn up to celebrate the achievement even though his father was on the council".

"Nobody misses the Effin bus!" said the Limerick Leader. "We were five minutes late because the roads were bad and we couldn't find the Effin bus stop," wrote a straight-faced Ms Patricia Feehily. "Then we saw Mary Barry waiting for the bus outside the post office in Effin, and she assured us that nobody ever missed the Effin bus - it collects you at the doorstep and waits for you if you aren't ready.

"The first sight of the Effin bus was like seeing the Britannia sailing into port for the first time - majestic - only the bus looked smaller and friendlier," she said.

Painted bright red and white and filled with passengers on the way to collect their pensions, the bus had a great atmosphere and the craic was ninety. Everyone agreed that "it was better than being at a social".

With a personality like that, could the Effin bus go the way of Thomas the Tank Engine and Postman Pat? Don't think so, somehow.