“I wish things could be different.”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
Nicholas turned to better look at Charlie. He was lying on his back on the grass just on the other side of the tree, his head propped up by a rucksack. Three whole metres away. The muted sun rays typical of a day in late August made the blonde waves of his hair glow gold. His grey eyes just peeked over the black mask that covered half of his face.
“I heard you,” Nicholas said, “I just want to know what you meant.”
Nicholas heard Charlie’s muffled sigh.
“All of this,” said Charlie, slicing his arm through the air as a way of addressing the world, “It’s not normal.”
“Is there such thing as normal?”
“Come on, don’t give me the philosophical crap,” said Charlie, “You know full well what I mean.”
Nicholas shrugged. His shoulders slid up and down the grass in the process, but he wasn’t worried about stains. The sweater was old. And besides, it took more than a shrug to stain a sweater.
“It’s not really philosophy,” he said, “I’m just saying how it’s always been.”
“Nicholas, we haven’t always been either locked away from the world or trapped behind masks.”
“‘Trapped behind masks’? That’s a bit dramatic.”
Charlie raised his eyebrows at him. He suddenly sat up, picked up his bag with one hand and looked like he was about to throw it at the other boy, until a realisation dawned in his eyes and he dropped the bag with a sad flump.
“I can’t even do that anymore.”
“What, chuck your stuff at me?” Nicholas hoped Charlie could hear the grin in his voice, as opposed to seeing it on his face. He too was wearing a mask, this one white with drawings scribbled all over it in laundry marker. The light fabric stood out against his black skin, and was positioned over the mouth and nose and right below his round glasses. The glasses seemed to have made it their mission to fog up at every second breath. Every few moments the world was covered in mist. Nicholas wiped them for the millionth time that day, then heaved himself upwards.
As he got to his feet, he looked around the park. It was as ordinary as you could get, for the apocalypse. Some children were running around and screaming, not a mask or a parent in sight. Groups of teenagers were scattered in clusters around the area, some in masks and some apparently unaware the world was just about ending. The highlight was an elderly woman walking her big fluffy dog; nothing weird or unusual, it was just sweet.
“Come on,” he said to Charlie.
“What?”
“We’re going for a walk.”
Charlie gave a theatrical sigh, but clambered to his feet all the same. He slung his bag on to his back and quirked his eyebrows up at Nicholas.
“Where are we going?”
“I’ll show you.” Nicholas wished he could take the other boy by the hand, but unfortunately that wasn’t the case any more. He walked off from the tree, stopping to look behind him to make sure Charlie was following. He was, and so they both continued forward.
It had been almost a year now since Nicholas had asked the other boy out. Almost a year since Charlie had said yes. They had shared so many moments together before and since then. They had always been there for one another when times were hard, got through exams together, made each other laugh in the most unlikely of situations and had spent nights staying awake until 3am listening to musical theatre. And now here they were, unable to even hold each other’s hand.
Nicholas led the way towards the clump of trees near the back of the park. He had always called it ‘the forest’ as a kid, though really it was half an acre of oak trees clustered together, along with some brambles and a small stream that led to a natural pool of water too small to be called a lake and too big (and permanent) to be a puddle. Still, the name had always stuck.
Nicholas walked through under the shadows of the trees and was about to go in further when he realised he couldn’t hear his boyfriend behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Charlie had stopped a few metres back. It was difficult to read his face with the mask, but his eyes seemed to have a doubtful gleam about them.
“What’s wrong?” asked Nicholas.
“Nothing,” Charlie looked away, “I just don’t know if I feel like climbing around the bushes right now.”
Nicholas frowned, though Charlie obviously couldn’t see that.
“You’ve never said no to the forest,” he said, “Even in the middle of the night.”
This was true. The summer before, Charlie had been over at Nicholas’s for the night and the two had got bored. Neither of them could sleep so Nicholas had suggested a walk, to which Charlie had said no. After a good fifteen minutes of light arguing, and then two hours or so of watching Dead Poets Society, Charlie had finally decided that sneaking to the woods at an ungodly hour wasn’t such a bad idea after all, and so the two had put on coats and run off to the park, which was only a two-minute walk from the house. That night had been exhilarating and scary at the same time, but the glow of the moon over the water pool and the dark shapes of the swaying trees, all while Charlie was by his side, would always be imprinted in Nicholas’s memory.
“I know,” sighed Charlie, bringing Nicholas back to the present, “I just don’t know if it’ll be the same.”
Nicholas thought for a second, then clambered back out from the bushes over to Charlie.
“Hey,” he said softly.
“What?”
“I know everything is different right now. And I know it feels like things will never be the same again…”
“Because they won’t be.”
“We don’t know that.”
Charlie looked away.
“No day’s ever the same as the one before,” Nicholas went on, “And I know the days are pretty rough at the moment, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t good things to be found in them.”
“Like what?”
“Like the stars in the sky at night, the taste of ice cream, the flowers, the trees…” Nicholas thought for a second, “I bet the trees don’t even realise there’s a pandemic going on.”
“Wish I were a tree,” Charlie looked back up at Nicholas, a hint of his old humour in his eyes, “Must be nice.”
“Yeah,” said Nicholas, “Except when birds start building nests in your branches, then having kids up there and–“
“OK, gosh, I’m sorry I said anything,” laughed Charlie, then took three long strides towards the forest and ducked under the foliage. He disappeared among the trees, and Nicholas didn’t have time to react before his head bobbed out once again and he yelled–
“You coming or not?”
Nicholas smiled and followed him through.
The place had a dreamy glow about it, the golden rays of the sun seeping in through the tree canopies and causing the green foliage to shimmer like emeralds. Nicholas looked around, trying to catch sight of Charlie, but his boyfriend seemed to have disappeared. Shrugging, he pressed on, assuming the other boy had simply continued onwards to the water pool without him.
Upon arrival, there was still no sign of Charlie. Nicholas was about to call out, when suddenly he heard a loud rustling and a waterfall of leaves came tumbling right on top of him. He cried out, brushing the leaves off his clothes as he heard laughter coming from behind him. He turned around to see Charlie halfway up one of the smaller trees, his hand leaning on the branch he had used as his ambush weapon. Nicholas joined in the laughter, signalling for Charlie to come join him on the ground. Charlie jumped down from the tree, and the two of them found places to sit by the water pool. All that could be heard for the next moments was the trickling of the stream water, the whispering of leaves and the sound of the two boys catching their breaths after the much-needed laughter.
“Nicholas?” Charlie finally said. Nicholas turned to look at him, taking him in. His grey eyes were crinkled slightly, and Nicholas could tell that he was smiling underneath the mask.
“Yeah?”
“Maybe you were right. Maybe some things do stay the same.”
Nicholas thought for a moment.
“You were right as well.”
“How?”
“Things are very different right now,” said Nicholas, “And scary. But you know what?”
“What?”
“Things won’t be bad forever.”
And so, they sat by the water pool. Arms out but not quite touching. Grins that, though hidden by masks, are still there in the end. Different, but the same.
