The pitfalls of the children's party circuit include boring them with clowns and giving them swine flu – so what are the rules for giving kids a great birthday without giving their parents a big headache, writes ITA O'KELLY

WHILE MOST parents may imagine that the biggest hurdle in a small child’s life is to settle them into “big” school, in fact the real challenge is lurking around the corner in the form of the children’s birthday party circuit. Within days of starting school, the first party invitations arrive home in the bag and are stuck up on the fridge. With one party down and another three to follow, a terrible thought dawns – it will be your turn in the hot seat very soon.

As soon as any small child goes to a proper birthday party, they immediately think “Yeah, I want one of these”, and it’s a difficult one to avoid. And there is nothing more daunting in life than a sea of expectant four-year-old faces standing in your kitchen waiting for the action to commence.

While the well-off and those with large houses can accommodate the entire class, for most this is not a realistic option. One regrettable way of cutting the numbers is to have boys or girls only. There are many, however, who do not subscribe to this sort of gender division. The received wisdom is to have three or four more children than your child’s age. If the child is four years old, about eight kids will make a fine party.

During the last decade, children’s parties morphed from an afternoon of fun for a few kids to an event that was managed by parents by outsourcing, at considerable cost. The normal routine was that the caterers arrived early, arranged everything, and then discreetly parked around the corner.

Face-painting became de rigueur in one room, while the bouncy castle in the back garden (manned by the au pair) occupied the others until the formal entertainment began. This usually included an often untalented puppeteer or clown plonked in front of a set of underwhelmed and bored children who had seen the show many times before. This all led neatly to the cutting of the cake and handing over of a goody bag at the hall door on the way out. The following week, it happened all over again in another child’s house.

THE GIVING OF a party is one thing. Attending the parties is another chore. A gift, wrapping paper and a card have to be procured, not to mention a party dress. It all stacks up to quite an outlay in both cost and time terms for parents. If the parties are staged, formal events where the likes of the landscaped back garden is off bounds, it seems to me that the child benefits very little from the experience anyhow.

Today many children’s lives are micro- managed to the extent that they have virtually no free time to simply be. It seems a great pity that a child’s party – which clearly should be a freestyle event – has become the most “managed” event of all.

I can still remember my own birthday parties as a child, and the slightly misshapen cake, hand-baked with love by mum, occupying pride of place in the centre of the table. I don’t know what we did. There was no running order, just lots of running.

Now that conspicuous consumption and showing off are frowned upon, the hope is that children’s birthday parties will start focusing on the children once again. There is something magical for a child in celebrating their birthday with their friends, at what should be a giant play-date in their home.

Party Points

Children won't remember the napkins or the party plates. They will only recall the fun, the games and perhaps the sweets.

Face-painting is thankfully off the agenda due to swine flu.

Formal entertainment for children is not necessary but makes life easy for the adults.

No gift should cost more than €10-€15.

Traditional games such as pass the parcel, musical chairs or a mini-disco are fun, active pursuits.

Party bags to take home are an imperative, but should only contain a few trinkets or sweets – nothing expensive or elaborate.

Don't treat the party as a free creche for your other children who weren't invited.

A bought birthday cake is more than adequate unless you are an ace baker.