It's seven years now since John Waters visited Portlaoise for this newspaper and caused a furore by finding evidence of "cultural and spiritual impoverishment" there, as well as starting a debate about whether you could buy a book by Joyce, Wilde or Shaw in the town. That was pre by-pass. Now, the most seminal thing about Portlaoise is that - unless you live there - you have to make a conscious decision about whether to go there or not. Do - and you're in for a surprise. The £4 million Arts Centre may not be finished yet but the cobblelock job on Main Street is - and in the newly created Hynd's Square, with its cut-stone buildings and brightly painted facades, the town now has its own potential Temple Bar.
Aficionados of the restaurant Jim Tynan has run for 12 years out of a converted barn know the significance of his recent move to a new premises on Hynd's Square - largely because he now has a magnificent delicatessen, The Foodhall, up front. Just grab your orange and green hessian bag at the door and off you go on an epicurean shopping spree. Specialities include the eight-inch Creole cake - "so rich it doesn't get iced" - with 15 tablespoons of alcohol inside for £25, and bread from Cooke's of Dublin that arrives every morning by rail. The Christmas pudding wine, sweet and white, for £5.99 in its slender, ornate bottle makes a great present.
Though virtually everything therein is made by Jim's wife Sarah and sister Imelda Devitt, the Foodhall also features products made by Janet Drew of Westmeath, distinguished by the magnificent calligraphy on their labels. Specialities here include the chutney for Christmas leftovers; ham glaze made on a plum base and the spiced orange rings to go with cheese or game.
Design Options is another new shop on Hynd's Square. Run by Tim Delaney of Kyledellig, it has a sister outlet on nearby Coliseum Lane. Between the two he stocks pottery by various national names and quality craftwork from the locality. A floor-standing candelabra with five candles by Madden Ironcraft of Borris, Roscrea at £125 stands out, as does the sixshelf, 6-foot, 6-inch, waxed pine bookcase with fretwork on top by Fletcher Woodcraft, Roscrea, and also £125. Wooden bowls by Mick Tynan Woodcraft of Abbeyleix start at as little as £7.95.
John McNamee's love of children's books, which flourishes each May during Bealtaine, The Laois Literary Festival, when writers such as Siobhan Parkinson, Marita Conlon McKenna and many others visit children in schools from Clough to Clonagh adoo and beyond, is obvious in his shop Laois Education Supplies, with its wall of the latest children's titles. Front of house there are three book-gondolas laden with special-value titles, while the shop also prides itself on books of local interest such as a reissue of Canon John O'Hanlon's Pass Of The Plumes, his account of how the O'Mores saw off the Earl of Essex just a few miles down the road, which is published by Courtwood Books of Vicarstown.
Ken Black's mother had 350 square feet on Main Street: now, with 7,000 square feet of toy store in Portlaoise and another outlet in Carlow, her son is definitely the midlands' King of Toys. Things are frenetic here this week and Ken still gets calls after midnight on Christmas morning from desperate parents who've either forgotten to buy batteries or can't assemble whatever Santa Claus has brought. Po, Laa Laa, Dipsy and Tinky Winky in their Teletubbie packages are here amid an equally predictable large range of miniature John Deeres, Deutz Fahrs and other tractors. This is farming country, remember.
If you're a desperate parent in Portlaoise this Christmas you can also try Toymaster at Graham's newsagent on Lyster Square or, if you've someone macho on your hands, Super Trooper on Bridge Street where the in-thing is urban camo wear for as young as three and four-year-olds - trousers and jackets in and around £15-20.
Don't miss either the Laois Arts and Crafts Gallery in the Laois Shopping Centre or Sweaters and More on Church Street, brimful of stunning knitwear and jewellery. A gift of an appointment with hairdresser Kevin Hogan at his salon The Company could be another inspired idea. Treasures, the gift shop on Main Street, has opened a special Christmas shop just up the road - look out for the gold-dipped, dried artichokes - while the nearby Fair Trade Shop also has lovely Christmas decorations and is sometimes manned by Brian Stanley.
Brian says John Waters's criticism may be the best thing that ever happened to Portlaoise. "It forced us to look at the place in a more self-critical way and look at it now - the plastic is coming down."
Parking: Car parks at Jessop Street, Laois Shopping Centre and Lyster Square
Lunchstop: The Kitchen, Jim Tynan's restaurant with open fireplace charges £4 for a selection of up to 20 salads - try the bulgar and the coriander salsa.
Hinterland highlight: Artist Jock Nichol's evocative paintings of the Laois landscape are available at his studio in East Hall Stable, Moyne, just outside Durrow, and well worth the extra few miles beyond Portlaoise. Prices £130-£600.
