There comes a moment in Michael Mann’s entirely daft but delightful-looking new hacker yarn when our hero and his disgracefully underwritten girlfriend have lost all of their allies and are in a tight spot. Theoretically, the US government, the People’s Republic of China and a small, heavily armed band of mercenaries are out to get them. And so, they stroll on to a private plane. Huh? Where did it come from? Who the hell knows?
The phrase used by Simpsons guest star Lucy Lawless (that's Xena: Princess Warrior to you) for deflecting pernickety fanboy questions – "Whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it" – springs to mind every two or three minutes during Blackhat's overstretched 133-minute duration.
It is fortunate, therefore, that much of the film rattles along with such a Mannly swagger that one is willing to overlook many of its failings and implausibilities.
The plot, we think, sees Thor cast down to live among the mortals as a greyhat hacker. Sadly, his mad skills as a broken-bottle barroom brawler and illegal online activities mean that as the film opens, he’s doing porridge. It requires a double attack – via the medium of computer boffinry – on a Chinese nuclear reactor and – gasp – on soy shares, for Thor’s old Chinese chum to spring him out of jail. In return, our hero must aid a joint US and Chinese taskforce and make like weev as the gang seek out the lurking blackhat.
The subsequent running about and shoot-'em-up sequences are verily entertaining, crunchingly violent and handsomely done. But Mann's usual pyrotechnics are demeaned by an idiotic plot and the worst screen love interest since Gene Wilder fell in love with a sheep. Can you guess who and what is behind the nefarious doings? Prepare to be amazed when a chap who looks like a mobile librarian named Trevor steps forward with a bizarre Goldmember-alike plan that appears to have been robbed from Trading Places.
Who will save the world’s frozen concentrated orange juice (or similar) now? Oh yeah. Thor.
