More Messi than Manolos MARY HANNIGANselects - sorry, casts - football's leading men
GIANLUIGI BUFFON (Italy)
Edward ( Edward Scissorhands)
Predictably enough, we considered Buffon for a Vito Corleone-type role, but he’s way too menacing to play the Godfather. Edward would be perfect, though – Buffon, after all, is capable of performing all kinds of strange magic with his peculiar paws.
CARLES PUYOL (Spain)
David St Hubbins ( This Is Spinal Tap)
Perhaps not the greatest defender in the game, but that refugee-from-a-1970s-metal-band hair-do should earn him a place in any cinematic world XI.
NEMANJA VIDIC (Serbia)
Tyler Durden ( Fight Club)
“Listen up, maggots. You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflakes. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else.” That’s the gist of what Vidic will be whispering in the ear of any World Cup striker he stumbles on this summer. Sorry, upon.
ASHLEY COLE (England)
Scarlett O'Hara ( Gone With the Wind)
A bit of an auld floozy at times, with a self-regard that borders on the side-splitting, Ashley still has the habit of excelling on the field, if not off it. (Cheryl: “Frankly, my dear, I dont give a damn.”).
CRISTIANO RONALDO (Portugal)
Tony Manero ( Saturday Night Fever)
Well, you can tell by the way Cristiano uses his walk he’s a womans man, no time to talk. He has much the same dress sense as Tony too – 30 years after the latter strutted his stuff.
XAVI (Spain)
Clarence Odbody ( Its a Wonderful Life)
Clarence might have been George Bailey’s guardian angel, but he was only rated as a second class angel at the start of the film. As a team-mate of Messi, Xavi knows how that feels – but like Clarence, he turns up trumps every time. Heavenly.
MICHAEL ESSIEN (Ghana)
John McClane ( Die Hardseries)
Well, the Chelsea man tackles with a vengeance and just when you think he’s done there’s another sequel.
CESC FABREGAS (Spain)
Marge Gunderson ( Fargo)
Marge was heavily pregnant when trying to track down a pair of nasty murderers, but she carried that responsibility with grace and good humour and got the job done. Fabregas knows what it’s like to excel despite being burdened by such a weight – he plays for Arsenal.
LIONEL MESSI (Argentina)
ET ( ET: The Extra-Terrestrial)
Well, as Arsene Wenger put it after the Barcelona lad scored four in an extra-terrestrial performance against Arsenal in the Champions League, “he’s from another planet”. “Be good,” his manager asks him as he takes to the field. He usually is.
DIDIER DROGBA (Ivory Coast)
William Foster ( Falling Down)
Like Foster, Drogba sometimes senses that the whole world’s out to get him – and when he’s in that kind of mood the end result can be rather devastating, in a shoot-’em-up kind of way. He’s a bit handy too, it must be said, at falling down.
WAYNE ROONEY (England)
Buzz Lightyear ( Toy Story)
While some might unkindly recommend Rooney for the role of Mr Potato Head (we refuse, incidentally, to go down the Shrekroute), he's perfect for Buzz. Only this season Rooney proved that he can actually fly, beyond footballing infinity, so to speak.
