Directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo. Starring Clive Owen, Carice van Houten, Daniel Brühl, Pilar López de Ayala, Ella Purnell, Kerry Fox 15A cert, general release, 100 min

A FACELESS bogeyman called Hollow Face stalks small, impressionable children in a godawful horror from former hotshot Juan Carlos Fresnadillo ( Intacto, 28 Weeks Later).

Be afraid, for this is a Spanish monster that enters children’s imaginations through stories. No wait, be afraid because he’s an English monster with a lair in a little girl’s bedroom just waiting for a chance to make off with her. There’s also something about a tree with a secret panel.

Hang on. What’s this German priest (why Daniel Brühl, why?) doing in the middle of it all? And why is Clothless van Houten married to Clive Owen? We smell Europudding. Indeed, if you’re in the market for TEFL dialogue and crummy non-sequitors, this is a veritable pleasuredome.

True, Mr Owen almost goes and spoils it all by attempting to act and bond with his onscreen daughter (the one with the face- thieving closet monster) but his best efforts are soon dashed against incomprehensible plotting and an inconsistent nemesis.

Intrudersisn't a search for axions; it's a monster movie. As such, the rules could not be clearer; do anything you want but be consistent. Long before the film spews forth an implausible anti-gothic coda, Hollow Face simply won't play ball. Heavy-duty allusions to better films such as Pan's Labyrinthand The Exorcistonly serve to highlight the low creature quality. Snatches of effective direction and almost- menacing atmospherics add to the frustration.

It's certainly not what we've come to expect from Juan Carlos Fresnadillo or from Spanish horror. But is it scary? Hell yeah, but only if you're a film critic.