Mindless entertainment? On the contrary, it’s amazing the gems of wisdom you can pick up from a few visits to the multiplex
AH, 2010. With stupid reality doling out harsh lessons for everyone in the country, it’s no wonder that we flocked to the cinema en masse. (The Irish are still among the most frequent cinema attendants per capita in the world.) But mainstream cinema isn’t just a jaunty trip to another world; it can offer some useful life lessons, unless I’m misinterpreting things, of course.
Here are some lessons I’ve learned at the cinema in 2010.
1 OVER 60S ARE HARDER TO KILL THAN UNDER-60S
You would think that the opposite would be true, but according to this year's films, you'd be wrong. Us Facebook-updating, moisturiser-applying, under-60 Nancy boys shouldn't bother picking a fight with the old folks. As shown in Red, The Expendablesand Machete, grizzled old action stars like Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, Danny Trejo and (yes) Helen Mirren are hard to kill.
It's best summarised in a fight scene in Red: "Kordeski trained you . . ." Willis says to a young agent before he breaks his arm, "I trained Kordeski."
Killing people isn't horrific, but is actually jaunty and romantic. Again, my preconceptions were overturned by Hollywood films, this time in the ostensibly cheerful romps Killersand Knight Day. In the former, Katherine Heigl marries Ashton Kutcher who turns out to be some kind of assassin. After initially being horrified to see him kill countless people, she finds that the danger (and murders) serves to spice up their marriage.
Heigl even gets in on the fun – punching a middle-aged woman square in the face. Bless. In Knight DayTom Cruise woos Cameron Diaz by dragging her into a dangerous game of espionage, (again) killing people in her presence and on numerous occasions drugging and kidnapping her. Who says romance is dead?
2 BAD REPRESENTATIONS OF THE MIDDLE EAST ARE NO LONGER JUST THE DOMAIN OF ACTION MOVIES
Middle Eastern minorities must have been pleased to see a certain era come to an end when Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone (at least temporarily) stopped making brawny, xenophobic action movies. What an unpleasant surprise it must have been to see cartoonish stereotypes return in (of all things) Sex and the City 2. The film featured religious fundamentalists, handsome servants who stay up all night unless dismissed, and most shocking of all, liberation of Middle Eastern women symbolised by wearing pointlessly expensive clothes beneath their burqas.
3 CHARACTERS PLAYED BY HARRISON FORD AREN’T NICE TO WORK WITH
If you walk into your first day at work and Harrison Ford is there, fasten your seat belt, it's going to be a bumpy ride. Ford the interviewee has a reputation for being intelligent, but taciturn and grouchy, and he doesn't help things by repeatedly playing similar men in movies. In the underrated Extraordinary Measureshe was a brilliant scientist who played obnoxiously loud music in the lab and butted heads with nice-guy Brendan Fraser. In Morning Glory(coming soon), he plays (you're way ahead of me) a taciturn, brilliant and grouchy morning news presenter who butts heads with nice girl Rachel McAdams.
4 MARRYING LEONARDO DiCAPRIO IS A PERILOUS BUSINESS
Leonardo DiCaprio has come a long way since breaking hearts in two era-defining romantic tragedies ( Titanicand Romeo & Juliet– like you needed reminding). But even when he's making respected epics for the hottest directors in Hollywood, he still can't say no to tragic love stories. Consider the two poor wives in Inceptionand Shutter Island, and you'd hesitate before you'd let him put a ring on it.
5 JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE AN ASSASSIN, EMBEZZLER, BANK ROBBER/KIDNAPPER, OR MEGALOMANIACAL CARTOON VILLAIN, THAT DOESN’T MAKE YOU A BAD PERSON
Those soft Hollywood types showed sympathy for all sorts of rascals this year. In The American, George Clooney killed people for a living, but he was also sensitive, as shown by his love for butterflies and voluptuous Italian prostitutes. Even more audaciously, Oliver Stone tried to make us sympathise with a high-flying embezzler in the sequel to Wall Street.
In The Town, Ben Affleck played a bank-robber and kidnapper, but he was a good soul beneath it all. And even in kids' movies Despicable Meand Megamind, traditional movie badguys got a chance to (respectively) befriend children and fall in love, proving that you're never too young to enjoy post-modern deconstructions of traditional villains.
6 WATCHING SOMEONE’S HOLIDAY VIDEO IS BORING, EVEN IF THEY’RE MOVIE STARS
It was pioneered by Couple's Retreatlast year, but in 2010, movie stars really enjoyed going on paid holidays in a string of unremarkable movies. Julia Roberts got to eat pasta in Italy, meditate in India (she converted to Hinduism after the film) and swim in Bali in Eat, Pray, Love.
Angelina Jolie admitted that one of the reasons she starred in The Tourist(one of her worst films – which is saying something) was because it was shot in Venice. Producer/star Adam Sandler got to hang out by a lake with famous pals Chris Rock and Kevin James in the lazy comedy Grown Ups. Sandler cast Salma Hayek as his wife and Rock had such a good time filming that he recently said it was the only movie where he hoped to return for reshoots.
And in SomewhereStephen Dorff ordered room service and played videogames in LA's Chateau Marmont. It's exactly as interesting as it sounds.
