Shrek 4, Twilight 3, Iron Man 2, Robin Hood . . . this summer, the multiplexes will be spilling over with a predictable slew of sequels, remakes and 3D spectaculars. But it looks like there'll also be a few gems among all the shiny baubles. DONALD CLARKEgets out his diary
WELCOME TO the hub of the cinematic year. Summer is the time when, driven into air-conditioned cinemas by the appalling heat, audiences generate the largest grosses of the year.
Or do they? The biggest film of all time – something called Avatar-- was released just before Christmas. The previous holder of that title, the same director's Titanic, was also launched in December. This year the mid-year releases will have to compete with some sort of football tournament.
Maybe, the studios need to consider their strategies. At any rate, this summer boasts the usual slew of sequels. Iron Man 2opens next week and, when it eventually slopes out of cinemas, it will make way for a fourth Shrekfilm, a third Toy Story, a third Twilightromp and a second Sex and the Cityshindig. The coming season will see the relative strength of those franchises tested, but – apologies for going on about this – the most urgent story will focus on the influence of 3D.
Whether you like it or not, the process generates staggering amounts of money. Will the makers of Iron Man 2, Prince of Persiaand The A Teamregret not making with the specs? (It is rumoured that Ridley Scott toyed with imposing retrospective 3D on Robin Hood.) Given how hungry punters are for bumpy films, Toy Story 3in 3D has every chance of chewing the summer box-office into little pieces.
If, however, the biggest film of the summer is not in 3D, then the boom might finally be waning. As for original blockbusters, the one to watch has to be Christopher Nolan's Inception. It's not a sequel. It's not based on a remake. It's not based on a comic, videogame or novel. Most importantly, it's not in 3D. You should, perhaps, go and see it simply on principle. Have a sunny one, readers.
MAY 7
HOT TUB TIME MACHINE
What more do you want to know? John Cusack, Crispin Glover and others encounter a hot tub that doubles as a time machine. Chevy Chase also features. The film is almost certainly a comedy.
FOUR LIONS
Who would dare risk a farce about bumbling Islamist suicide bombers? Chris Morris, the elusive, subversive chap behind Brass Eye and The Day Today. That’s who.
A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
Now, this sounds like a remake that we really don’t need. Oh well. At least Jackie Earle Haley seems well cast as Mr F Krueger.
THE BACK-UP PLAN
Relax everybody. Jennifer Lopez is back. In this romantic comedy, Ms Lo gets artificially inseminated with intimate substances from best pal Alex OLoughlin. Sounds lovely.
MAY 12
ROBIN HOOD
Russell Crowe is always at his best when honking like a fogbound ship while walloping enemies over the head with broadswords. Ridley Scott’s much-delayed take on the durable legend should offer him many such opportunities. Cate Blanchett is Maid Marian, while Matthew Macfadyen turns up as the Sheriff of Nottingham.
AMERICAN: THE BILL HICKS STORY
Acclaimed documentary on the swaggering American comedian who died 16 long years ago. Expect much righteous anger.
LEBANON
Samuel Maoz’s gripping film, winner of top prize at the Venice Film Festival, follows the crew of an Israeli tank as they encounter resistance during the 1982 conflict in Lebanon. Tense stuff.
VINCERE
While there have been many cinematic attempts to represent Hitler, Mussolini has not proved so enticing for film-makers. Marco Bellocchio redresses the balance with this study of the young dictator’s first wife.
MAY 21
BAD LIEUTENANT: PORT OF CALL NEW ORLEANS
Deranged, hilarious thriller from the great Werner Herzog, starring Nicolas Cage as a drug-addled cop in post-Katrina New Orleans. Confusingly, the picture is neither a remake of, nor a sequel to Abel Ferrara's Bad Lieutenant.
COP OUT
Kevin Smith’s latest comedy stars Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan as (yes) two mismatched police officers adrift in New York City. There’s a pun in the title.
PRINCE OF PERSIA: THE SANDS OF TIME
Big-screen version of that cool video game in which the bloke with two swords ran up walls and leapt over caverns. Jake Gyllenhaal and Gemma Arterton star.
STREET DANCE IN 3-D
You knew it had to happen. This extravaganza could be seen as Britain's Got Talent: The Movie. George Sampson, Flawless and Diversity, all successful on that show, make appearances, as does, bizarrely, Charlotte Rampling.
MAY 28
SEX AND THE CITY 2
The sequel to the awful – though staggeringly successful – 2007 TV spin-off finds the vacuous sex-maniacs making for the glamorous boutiques of Abu Dhabi. Sounds like the right place for them.
BLACK DEATH
Christopher Smith, director of last year's fine shocker Triangle, offers us a supernatural thriller set in medieval Britain. Crafty counter-programming to Sex and the City 2?
THE LOSERS
Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Zoe Saldana star as two members of an elite (what else?) Special Forces squad that encounters all kinds of mayhem in the Bolivian jungle. More manly anti- Sex and the City 2scheduling?
THE TIME THAT REMAINS
Elia Suleiman’s odd film – a kind of black comedy – examines the creation of Israel and its subsequent development from a Palestinian perspective.
THE TOOTH FAIRY
Lovely old The Rock stars as, well, The Tooth Fairy. It sounds as if 20th Century Fox are offering – in principle at least – fun for “all the family”.
JUNE 2
DEATH AT A FUNERAL
Here’s a weird one. Just three years after the release of Frank Oz’s British farce – which wasn’t very good in the first place – the picture is remade with a largely African-American cast.
JUNE 4
BROTHERS BLOOM
Rian Johnson's follow up to Brick– a cult hit from 2005 – has been lurking around the schedules for ages. Mark Ruffalo and Adrien Brody star as con artists.
THE KILLER INSIDE ME
The madly prolific Michael Winterbottom directs Jessica Alba (no, really) in a feature version of Jim Thompson’s pulp classic. The extreme violence has already shocked some film festival attendees.
SHE’S OUT OF MY LEAGUE
Another film with a self-explanatory title, this comedy stars Jay Baruchel as a dweeb who somehow finds himself involved with lovely Alice Eve.
JUNE 9
LETTERS TO JULIET
There really is no escape from Amanda Seyfried. This romantic drama has the ubiquitous star finding a letter written many years ago to Shakespeare’s Juliet and seeking to track down it aged sender. Could it be Ms Vanessa Redgrave?
JUNE 11
GREENBERG
After the disappointing Margot at the Wedding, director Noah Baumbach returns with a more focused, less grating piece. Ben Stiller stars as a neurotic coping badly with life in LA.
BROOKLYN’S FINEST
Antoine Fuqua, director of Training Day, offers up a tough crime thriller set in the meaner streets of New York’s most populous borough. The likes of Richard Gere and Don Cheadle are on hand to dodge bullets.
JUNE 18
HIS HERS
One of the most lauded Irish films of recent years finally makes it into cinemas. Ken Wardrop’s hugely original documentary listens to a large number of women from the midlands as they ponder the men in their lives.
PLEASE GIVE
Director Nicole Holofcener and actor Catherine Keener team up for the fourth time with this indie comedy
in which a couple – Oliver Platt plays Mr Keener – interact with annoying, younger folk in their apartment building.
MacGRUBER
Big screen version of the Saturday Night Livesketch that poked gentle fun at the great 1980s TV series MacGyver. Will Forte and Kristen Wiig will, no doubt, be making Armalite rifles from rubber bands and loo rolls.
JUNE 25
BEAUTY AND THE BEAST 3D
The contemporary version of colourisation continues with this 3D release of the film that re-invigorated Disney’s animation wing. Be my guest.
GET HIM TO THE GREEK
Can Russell Brand sustain that unlikely Hollywood career? Find out with this comedy, in which the lusty comic reprises his role from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Jonah Hill is also about the place.
WHATEVER WORKS
Larry David, the great complainer, takes the lead role in Woody Allen’s return to New York City. “A marriage made in heaven” is, surely, the relevant cliché.
WHEN IN ROME
The plot sounds bananas. Kristen Bell retrieves some coins from a “wishing fountain” in Rome and is then pursued by – as we understand it – the chaps who cast them there. Okay, then.
JULY 2
SHREK FOREVER AFTER
The makers of the franchise promise – we’ve heard this sort of thing before – that this is the last adventure for the not-so-jolly green giant. The new film finds the hero making a foolish deal with Rumpelstiltskin.
WHEN YOU’RE STRANGE
Faces come out of the rain, apparently. Yes, it’s a documentary about The Doors. Mr Johnny Depp narrates.
JULY 9
LONDON RIVER
Rachid Bouchareb, director of the excellent Days of Glory, presents a story about a Muslim and a Christian searching for their children in the aftermath of the 2005 London tube bombings.
TWILIGHT: THE ECLIPSE
Moan, moan, moan. Suck, suck, suck. You already know your feelings about the continuing teen vampire saga. This time round, David Slade, director of the nastier 30 Days of Night, is behind the megaphone.
JULY 14
KNIGHT DAY
Want a blockbuster that looks a wee bit demented? This might be your man. The summary suggests that super-agent Tom Cruise and innocent bystander Cameron Diaz have to keep an “ultimate power source” from the bad guys. If you say so.
JULY 16
INCEPTION
Surely the most eagerly awaited film of the season, Chris Nolan's follow-up to The Dark Knightstars Leonardo DiCaprio as an agent who… Well, who knows? Nolan and the folk at Warners have been close-lipped about the plot.
JULY 23
TOY STORY 3
"Not another sequel?" you say. Well, keep in mind that Pixar have always (Cars aside) kept the standard high and that Toy Story 2was one of the best sequels ever made. There's every reason to be hopeful.
JULY 28
KARATE KID
If Toy Story 3is full then you can take the kids to a remake of the family-oriented martial arts film from 1984. This time round, Jackie Chan is the master and Jaden Smith (son of Will) his talented student.
JULY 30
THE A TEAM
Ten years ago, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didnt commit." Actually, it must be about 30 years ago by now. Liam Neeson and Bradley Cooper join the inevitable disinter- ment of a much-derided TV show.
THE ADJUSTMENT BUREAU
Adaptations of Philip K Dick's stories have had mixed responses. Will George Nolfi's flick be a
Blade Runneror a
Paycheck? Matt Damon stars.
THE REBOUND
Ms Catherine Zeta-Jones's mom travels to New York following her divorce and falls in love with a younger man played by Justin Bartha. Well, our Catherine knows a thing or two about romances between people from different generations.
GAINSBOURG
A biopic of the legendary French singer and romancer Serge Gainsbourg? Now, why has nobody thought of that before? Eric Elmosnino faces up to the challenge of playing a very strange-looking fellow.
AUGUST 4
CATS DOGS: THE REVENGE OF KITTY GALORE
Where has this been hiding? It is – unbelievably – nearly a decade since the first film detailing war between the world's canine and feline populations. This one is, of course, in 3D.
GROWN UPS
There's bound to be somebody you love in this laddish comedy from Dennis Dugan. After all, Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, Rob Schneider, David Spade are all on board. Mind you, there's bound to be somebody you hate also.
THE SECRET IN THEIR EYES/EL SECRETO DE SUS OJOS
The latest movie to puzzle cinema experts by unexpectedly grabbing the Oscar for best foreign language film. Can this Argentinean crime epic really be better than
The White Ribbonand
A Prophet? Keep an open mind.
AUGUST 13
THE LAST AIRBENDER
M Night Shyamalan attempts to recover from the (interesting) catastrophe that was
The Lady in the Waterwith this adaptation of a TV animation entitled
Avatar: The Last Airbender. I can't imagine why they dropped "Avatar" from the title.
PREDATORS
The erratic (at best) Robert Rodriguez (producing; Nimród Antal directs) has a crack at reviving the franchise that – the beast's tussles with Alien aside – has not been on our screens since 1990's nifty
Predator 2.
THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE
Yes, that Sorcerer's Apprentice. Nicolas Cage stars in Disney's live-action remake of the myth previously treated by the Mouse House in Fantasia. Sadly, Cage is not in the Mickey Mouse role.
CELL 211
We have our fair share of excellent prison dramas recently with such films as
A Prophetand
Lion's Den. The latest exercise in the genre recently cleaned up at the Spanish Goya Awards.
AUGUST 20
MARMADUKE
It had to happen. Following the success of
Garfield, the evil geniuses in Hollywood have adapted that annoyingly twee comic strip about the giant dog. The beast is computer-generated. His voice is Owen Wilson-generated.
DINNER FOR SCHMUCKS
Superb title. Steve Carell and Paul Rudd are among the supposed schmucks in this belated remake of French comedy
Le Dîner de Cons. From the team that brought you
Meet the Parents.
THE EXPENDABLES
Everybody that matters is in this action thriller from acclaimed auteur Sylvester Stallone: Lundgren, Willis, Schwarzenegger, Statham, Rourke. Jet Li and Stone Cold Steve Austin also make appearances. Nobody strikes us as "expendable" in that list.
SALT
CIA operative Evelyn Salt goes on the run after being wrongly identified as a double agent. Given that she looks like Angelina Jolie, she shouldn't be too hard to spot. Tom Cruise was, famously, originally cast in the lead.
AUGUST 27
DIARY OF A WIMPY KID
Somewhere in the region of 24 million copies have been sold of Jeff Kinney's similarly titled children's novel. The film version offers opportunities to a young unknown named Zachary Gordon.
AUGUST 27
THE GIRL WHO PLAYED WITH FIRE
Sequel to
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo– the successful adaptation of Stieg Larsson's violent thriller – finds journo Mikael Blomkvist trying to clear the name of his titular sidekick.
SCOTT PILGRIM VS THE WORLD
Edgar Wright, the man behind
Shaun of the Dead, makes his mainstream US debut with this adaptation of a clever comic by Bryan Lee O'Malley. Michael Cera plays the hero.
