FilmReview

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny: Not even Harrison Ford’s gruff charm can save this phoney adventure

To damn this (hopefully) final instalment with the faintest praise, it’s not as bad as Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Harrison Ford just about endures against the brain-numbing CG tableaux
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny
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Director: James Mangold
Cert: 12A
Genre: Action
Starring: Harrison Ford, Phoebe Waller-Bridge, Antonio Banderas, John Rhys-Davies, Toby Jones, Boyd Holbrook, Ethann Isidore, Mads Mikkelsen
Running Time: 2 hrs 34 mins

During the rattling opening sequence of the fifth and likely final Indiana Jones film, the archaeologist outruns and outguns a superfluity of Nazis to retrieve the Lance of Longinus; the Roman spear once used (according to Matthew’s gospel) to pierce Jesus. A younger Harrison Ford – de-aged and dead-eyed – dutifully slugs his way towards the plundered artefact only to discover that it’s a fake.

We know how he feels.

The first, tactile films in the Indiana Jones sequence allowed for behind-the-scenes specials that were the most exciting production curtain-raisers since Ray Harryhausen combined stop-motion and miniatures.

With a hefty $295 million production budget – making Dial of Destiny one of the most expensive action movies ever made – this should be the best counterfeit that money can buy. But at every turn – the uncanny de-ageing tech, a train carriage-hopping sequence that is unperturbed by speed or physics, a New York sequence shot in Glasgow – it’s a simulacrum, a cubic zirconia, a two-for-20 knock-off.

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In better news, it’s an improvement on its rubbish, cash-grab predecessor, Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Mads Mikkelsen essaying Werner von Braun cipher Jürgen Voller, a German scientist who has helped the US reach the moon, allows for the whip-cracking hero to get back what he does best: punching Nazis and grumbling about it.

This time around, the intrepid explorer is joined by his streetwise, Tomb Raider-alike goddaughter (Phoebe Waller-Bridge) and Short Round stand-in Teddy (Ethann Isidore) on the hunt for the Grafikos, the missing half of time-travelling doodah the Antikythera.

It’s a journey that allows for some silly fun with Greek and Roman history, as the good guys ping between various international set pieces – a dishwater-dull scuba diving venture; a glaring, strangely unexciting Tangiers chase sequence – to prevent the bad guys from going back in time to change history.

It’s daft, yet no dafter than the grail knight hanging around for centuries (Last Crusade) nor the nuke-proof fridge (Crystal Skull).

Harrison Ford: ‘I just want to get through the f**king day with some self-respect left’Opens in new window ]

Director James Mangold maintains a breakneck pace, an efficiency that hides a multitude of sins. But why bother to hire a cinematographer of Phedon Papamichael’s calibre only to lacquer every shot with a puked-carrot orange hue? Why did four credited scriptwriters fail to pen a decent zinger for Waller-Bridge? Why is Shaunette Renée Wilson’s CIA op the only character wearing 1969-appropriate attire?

It accordingly falls to Ford to save the day. The octogenarian’s gruff charm endures against the brain-numbing CG tableaux.

Both the veteran actor and Indiana Jones deserved better.

Tara Brady

Tara Brady

Tara Brady, a contributor to The Irish Times, is a writer and film critic