Russell Crowe was in good form at his Robin Hoodpress conference in Cannes. He didn't pin anyone to the wall for curtailing his reading of Patrick Kavanagh poems. He didn't fling any mobile phones about the place. But he did manage to suggest that, if Robin were to resurface, the outlaw would dedicate himself to eradicating the Enemies of Crowe.

Looking hairy in an open- necked shirt, our Russell opined: “I have wondered, would his aims be political or economic? Would he be looking at Wall Street and the huge sums they have got to pat their backs with. Or the disaster of subprime mortgages?”

All fair enough. But what about the real parasites of society: the blasted media. “I think he’d be looking at that,” said Crowe. “He would recognise that the monopoly on media is the greatest enemy.”

To be fair, it sounds as if Russell has his eye on fellow Antipodean Rupert Murdoch, rather than the hacks themselves. But still.