BE CAREFUL what you wish for. The premature arrival of Christmas remains a durable subject for facetious columns such as this.
You know the sort of thing: Heavens, it's only October, but already Mr Holder's hoarse strains – amplified in every "coffee shop" – are announcing the imminent arrival of Yule. Why can we not return to the days when candycanes remained unsheathed until the second week of advent? Have we forgotten the real meaning of Christmas? The season is about Baby Jesus, not about "Playboxes" and Dandyannuals. Tap, tap, tap. Drone, drone, drone. Can I have my cheque now?
Whisper it quietly. But does it seem as if, on this year’s evidence, that Christmas is coming later and later these days? It’s December and I have yet to hear either Slade or Wizzard. Tinsel is notably less ubiquitous. The traditional pools of vomit have yet to ooze their way up through the pavement.
It is, of course, customary to blame every notable contemporary phenomenon on The Recession. In this case, the economic apocalypse probably is the cause of this decrease in Holly-related activities. It hardly seems decent to come over jolly when your neighbour’s kids are being dragged off to work in the IMF’s salt mines. Some restraint seems appropriate.
It seems, however, less easy to argue that the apparent dearth of Christmas movies has anything to do with financial conflagrations. Even in the darkest times of the last century, Hollywood continued to spit out movies about Santa, angels and reindeer. Indeed, if anything, the studios tend to accelerate their yule logroll during times of misery.
Look at the calendar for this December and you will, however, fail to discover a single trad Christmas movie. The release this week of the diverting Rare Exportsonly makes the dearth more conspicuous. Depicting Santa as a positively demonic entity, the Finnish piece could, like Bad Santa, be seen as a class of seasonal anti-matter.
Should we mourn the apparent death of this ancient genre? Almost certainly not. Put Gremlins It's a Wonderful Lifeand Scroogefrom your mind. The recent history of the Christmas movie has been one of unremitting misery and shoddiness. Many of the last decade's very worst films came bedecked with mistletoe and spray-on snow.
Remember Christmas With the Kranks, Surviving Christmas, Four Christmases, The Santa Clause 3and Deck the Halls? No? Lucky old you. You must sleep a great deal easier than the rest of us. The combination of glutinous sentimentality and low-level social fascism – celebrate loudly or face angry exclusion – made for a particularly unlovely run-up to the happy day.
Well, for once, good sense prevailed and, as the century progressed, punters began fleeing each successive release in ever greater numbers. Flop followed flop and Hollywood eventually gave up trying. So, it is about economics after all.
dclarke@irishtimes.com
